


Rifts

by GreyHaven, YumeArashi



Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, M/M, canon typical criminal activity, references to child neglect and abandonment - canon typical - Duke's past, warning for mention of suicidal thoughts - only one sentence but tagging just in case
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-18 16:21:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11878263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreyHaven/pseuds/GreyHaven, https://archiveofourown.org/users/YumeArashi/pseuds/YumeArashi
Summary: When Nathan Wuornos went off to college, he left behind his best friend, Duke Crocker.  When he comes home for Christmas, he finds out just how much can change in four months.





	1. Chapter 1

It was almost surreal, Nathan felt, coming back to Haven after his first semester away at college.  Nothing had changed, plunging him back into his high school days as if graduation had been just yesterday.  But at the same time everything looked different viewed through the lens of his new experiences.

Portland was hardly a metropolis but going to school there – living there, not just visiting for day trips – had opened his eyes to just how tiny, insular, and small-minded Haven really was.  He and Duke and their friends had scorned Haven in high school, talked about getting out and making a name for themselves out in the world, but none of them had had any inkling just how big the world really was.

Nathan had found himself intensely homesick and very glad he hadn’t gone further for college, but at the same time very glad for the new experiences and diversity that gave him a better perspective on the world and its issues.  Now that he was back Haven seemed smaller than ever, his childhood at once comforting and suffocating.  It was a town where everyone knew his name, but also a town where everyone knew his place.  The police chief’s kid following in his father’s footsteps, even if that’s not what he actually wanted.

He drove around for a while in the battered old Bronco, putting off the return to his home.  He loved his father, but he didn’t want to see him, not yet.  He was cruising by the docks when he saw something that made him pull over.

Down at the end of a long unused pier was Duke Crocker, hanging around with a ballcap pulled down over his eyes and a slouch to his shoulders.  He looked different – sharper, harder, warier.  The word ‘feral’ came unbidden to Nathan’s mind.  An older man, looking equally disreputable, came around the corner of an derelict building and approached Duke.  There were quiet words and an exchange of god only knew what, and both men slunk off.

Nathan frowned, and drove off before Duke could spot him.

**

It was late that night when Nathan was woken by a very familiar pattern of tapping at his window.  He sat up to open it but it slid upward a moment later – hadn’t he locked it? – and Duke slipped inside.

Still lean and tough, still badly underdressed for an unforgiving Maine winter, but Duke’s face was lit up with a joyful grin and for a moment he looked like the kid Nathan remembered.  “Nate, buddy!  Welcome back,” he said, wrapping Nathan in an enthusiastic hug.

Nathan held him close, glad of the familiar contact.  But there were differences too – Duke had always been skinny but now his bones made harsh angles that Nathan could feel even through the too-thin jacket.  Instead of a healthy, rosy flush of brief cold, his color had faded as blood drained away to more vital areas in the first hint of hypothermia.  The beginnings of a scraggly beard adorned Duke’s face and Nathan wondered if it was a conscious choice or if Duke had just given up on shaving.  By his scent he certainly wasn’t showering regularly.

“Hey, Duke.  Missed you,” he said sincerely, trying to hide his worry.  Duke had always been proud, he wouldn’t take well to any hint of pity.

“Long four months, huh?  You’re a big college man now, tell me all about it.”

“Yeah, sure.  C’mon downstairs, we can make sandwiches.”

“It’s two in the morning.”

“So?” Nathan shrugged  “I’m awake now.  And hungry.  Still a teenage boy, pretty much never not hungry.   Think the caf is regretting my unlimited plan.”

For a split second Duke’s eyes flashed and his lips thinned, but Nathan was already heading downstairs and missed it.

They snuck past the closed bedroom door of Nathan’s father, darting glances back at the stairs as they raided the fridge.  Duke was grinning again by the time they made it back to Nathan’s room with their portable feast – it was just like old times.

“So what’s college like?” Duke asked as they sat cross-legged on Nathan’s bed.  He tore into his sandwich with almost vicious hunger.

“I love it.  The freedom of getting to do what I want, be in charge of my own life without having to account for every hour of every day, without the Chief constantly harping on me all the time, it’s amazing.  I can blow off classes if I want and the profs don’t care as long as I can pass the exams.  Although the exams are a bitch, I hardly got any sleep during finals week, you would not believe the stress.”

“I bet,” there was something off about Duke’s laugh but Nathan couldn’t quite pin it down.  Didn’t have time to, with Duke asking, “So what’s your roomie like, did you get someone decent or did you end up with a hard-partying jerk?”

“I lucked out big time.  Took the guy three weeks to get a girlfriend who lives off campus and I basically haven’t seen him since.  Got the room to myself, plus use of his mini fridge, TV and game system, and couch.”

Duke whistled, duly impressed.  “Sweet deal.”

“Yeah, especially compared to what could’ve happened.  Friend of mine has one of the hard partying jerks, guy’s loud and comes in at all hours, and one night he was so drunk he thought the dresser was a urinal.”

“Shit, no!” Duke laughed.  “Pissed on his own stuff, I hope, and not your friend’s.”

“Yeah but the place still smelled like beer piss for a week.  Tom was ready to rip him a new one.”

“Can’t blame the guy.”

“Yeah.  But what about you, what’ve you been up to since I left?”

“Oh, you know, working for a living, daily grind, just got a jump on it compared to you lazy procrastinators off hiding at college.  Gonna suck to be you when you come back and I’ve already got the job you wanted,” Duke smirked, but there was no humor in his eyes.

“Yeah?  Where’re you working, I’ll stop by sometime.  Got a place of your own yet?”

“Hell yeah, that was my first order of business.  Just a little rented room but probably no worse than what you’ve got.  So, you got a girlfriend yet?” Duke asked as he finished his meal.

Nathan grimaced as he set aside his own plate.  “Had.  Sarah.  I didn’t know her before she asked me out, but she seemed nice enough, was pretty enough.  Real go-getter.  Always knew what she wanted.  Not a good match.  She got frustrated, said I was too passive, dropped me a couple weeks ago.”

“Sorry, man.  That sounds rough,” Duke said with genuine sympathy.

“Yeah,” Nathan sighed.  A yawn caught him by surprise, the lassitude of his full stomach catching up to him.

“Looks like I’m overstaying my welcome,” Duke got to his feet.

“Hey.  You don’t have to go, Duke.”

Duke gave him a crooked little smile.  “You wanna have a sleepover?  Like when we were kids?”

“Why not?  Might be nice to be kids again, if only for tonight,” Nathan said, getting under the covers and pulling them back in invitation.

Duke hesitated, but after a moment he stripped off his inadequate jacket and worn boots and got into bed.  He was still a little cold, Nathan noted as he turned out the light.

After a minute, Duke snickered.  “That doesn’t feel like a kid’s.”

“Shut up, Duke,” Nathan grumbled good naturedly.  “You know I can’t help it.”

Duke gave him a wicked grin, barely visible in the moonlight spilling through the window.  “I could help it, though.”

“Duke…”

“What’s the problem?  You’re not dating anyone, you said.  Doesn’t have to mean anything, just a little fun.  Like we used to,” he coaxed, squirming teasingly against Nathan.

“All right, fine, pushy bastard,” Nathan grumbled halfheartedly, his body making a lie of his reluctance.

“Oh, like this is such a hardship for you,” Duke snorted, reaching into Nathan’s pajama pants.

Nathan groaned.  He fumbled with Duke’s waistband but Duke’s jeans had a button fly instead of a zipper (why had anyone ever thought that was a good idea?) and he settled for rubbing Duke through the worn denim.

Duke made a little breathless noise, redoubling his efforts.  Nathan rocked against him, falling into the familiar pattern of hushed pleasure and secrecy, the fear of potentially getting caught adding an edge to the encounter.

It didn’t take long, their cries muffled in the pillows as they came.  Nathan rolled onto his back with a satisfied sigh, giving himself a moment before he reached for the tissues.  Duke grimaced at the mess he’d made of his pants but cleaned up as best he could.

When they’d finished, Nathan wrapped an arm around Duke and pulled him close, asking him silently to stay.  Duke settled down without argument and was deeply asleep in moments, warm and safe and content.

When Nathan woke in the morning, Duke was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

Nathan was the last of their old high school social circle to get home, so two days later they'd planned a get together at the McShaw's.  Nathan - having realized belatedly that he hadn't remembered to get Duke's address or place of work, drove aimlessly around until he managed to track him down out by the docks again.

Duke shivered against the cold north-easterly wind whipping off the sea and pulled his thin jacket more tightly around himself. He caught a glimpse of a slightly battered but well cared for old truck and recognised Nathan behind the wheel. Forcing himself to smile, he gave a small wave and walked across to meet him.

"Hey, Duke," Nathan leaned across and opened the passenger door for him.  "Hop in, too cold to talk through the open door."

“Nice truck,” Duke grinned as he jumped into the warmth of the Bronco and pulled the door shut behind him. “Where'd you find this beauty?”

"Junkyard," Nathan grinned, patting the dash.  "Fixed her up, right as rain.  Wasn't even anything too wrong, her owner must not have cared enough to even have it looked at."

“Good job,” Duke admired. “So what you up to? Wanna do something?”

"S'why I was looking for you.  Everyone's gonna get together at the McShaw's tonight.  Wanted to invite you but I wasn't sure how to get in touch."

“Oh yeah?” Duke said, buying himself time to decide if he wanted to go or not.

"Yeah.  Bill and Jeff, obviously, but Julia, Ian...everyone's back from college for Christmas, excited to hang out again."

“Cool,” Duke replied, thinking about spending the evening in a warm house. If he got lucky, he might even find someone's bed to share for the night. “See you there, then?”

"Awesome.  Wanna get lunch first and hang out till then?"

“Had a late breakfast,” Duke told him as he stared out of the window. “Hanging out sounds good though.”

"Sure.  The chief's working, so we've got the house to ourselves.  Mind if I grab lunch on the way home?"

“Yeah, fine with me,” Duke agreed, still looking out of the window, forcing the grin back onto his face before he turned back to Nathan. “Don't tell me, pancakes?”

Nathan gave him a sheepish grin.  "You know me too well.  Shoulda seen my face when I found out the caf has 'em every morning.  Think I set some kinda record."

“Yeah, I bet,” Duke tried to keep smiling but thought he might have failed miserably. He ducked his face away instead.

"You feeling okay?" Nathan asked.

“All good,” Duke shrugged. “Why?” He glanced at Nathan through narrowed eyes.

"Nothing, no worries.  Are you off work today?"

“I am, so you have the pleasure of my company  _ all _ day.”

"Sounds great," Nathan grinned, giving Duke a fond look.  "I missed you, you know."

“Aww, sweet,” Duke teased back.

"Laugh if you want," Nathan reached out and gave Duke's shoulder a light shove. "You're my best friend."

Duke smiled warmly. “Yeah, you're kinda mine too,” he admitted.

Nathan ruffled Duke's hair happily.  "This'll be great.  We can crash at my place, watch a movie or something until the party - just like old times."

“Gerroff,” Duke laughed, ducking away from Nathan's hand. “Sounds good,” he added, smiling.

Nathan laughed and withdrew his hand.  "Only reason I'm having mercy is, I'm driving."

“Whatever,” Duke snorted. “You just know it's a fight you'll lose.”

"When we get back to my place, we'll see about that."

“You're on,” Duke grinned.

"You're asking for it," Nathan grinned back.

“You don't know who you're messing with these days,” Duke reminded him with a laugh.

Nathan thought back to first seeing Duke on the docks and wondered if there was more truth to that than he knew.  But all he said was, "You neither."

“Yeah yeah. Whatever you say, Nate. All bark and no bite.”

"We'll see, we'll see," Nathan grinned.

Duke grinned back at him as they pulled into the parking lot. “You go get yourself some lunch, I'm gonna pick up some booze for later,” he said as he jumped out of the truck. Without waiting for an answer, he dashed off to the grocery store.

He was well practiced at this, expert at not drawing attention to himself. Moving stealthily through the store, he went straight to the back and picked out a bottle of Jack Daniels which he squirrelled away beneath his jacket.  He used the last of his small change to pay for a pack of gum at the counter to avoid suspicion. His jacket was loose enough that no one noticed the bottle concealed there and he breathed a sigh of relief as he got back to Nathan's truck without being followed.

Nathan came back from the diner shortly after, with a couple bags in his hands.  "Got some snacks for later, too," he explained.  He didn't know what Duke was eating these days, but he was too thin.

“Nice one,” Duke grinned as he swung himself up into the truck once again.

"Hang onto it while I drive?" Nathan asked.  "I got some of your favorites, you can grab whatever you like."

“Thanks,” Duke mumbled as he rummaged through the bag, coming up with a pack of peanut butter cups. “You didn't have to.”

Nathan made a dismissive sound.  "We can't just hang out at my place watching movies without snacks.  Where's the fun in that?"

“True, movies without snacks are not fun,” Duke agreed. “What’re we watching?”

"Hm...Star Wars?  We could marathon it, it's early yet."

“All three?” Duke asked hopefully. “Haven't seen ‘em for ages.”

"You bet," Nathan grinned.

Duke matched his grin. A few hours in a warm house with his best friend and snacks and movies seemed like a good way to spend the afternoon.

"Just like old times," Nathan grinned, and the Bronco headed for home.

***

The party was already in full swing by the time they arrived, Duke having insisted on being fashionably late. The faces were so familiar, kids he'd grown up with for the most part, but at the same time so different. More worldly, somehow, as though they'd grown up and left him behind. He didn't  _ fit _ here any more.

“Drink?” He asked Nathan, glancing at a table filled with various bottles and plastic cups.

"Thanks, grab me a beer?" Nathan asked.

Duke nodded and picked up a bottle of beer, twisting the cap off with his teeth. He poured himself a cup full of JD and took a long swig before topping it off again. He sauntered back to Nathan, grinning widely, and passed him the beer. “Good music, huh?”

"Yeah," Nathan said happily.  He was delighted to be back with his old friends - he'd made new ones, of course, but he'd missed the old gang.

“You should go talk to Hannah,” Duke told him, nudging Nathan in her direction. “Heard a rumor she's been missing you.”

Nathan looked across the room at her, pensive.  "Maybe. What good would it do, though?  In three weeks I'm headed back to college."

“Nate,” Duke looked at him seriously. “It doesn't have to be  _ serious _ .” He waggled his eyebrows and grinned.

"Duke!  I'm not gonna...take advantage."

“What's taking advantage about that?” Duke asked, confused. “Two people having fun…?”

"Yeah, but...it's complicated."

Duke rolled his eyes. “If you say so.”

"Yeah.  Her dad," Nathan grimaced.

“Nathan,” Duke said, raising his eyebrows. “I was talking about one night, not marrying her. Maybe just don't tell her dad?”

"Why are you so hot for the two of us to hop into bed?" Nathan gave him an odd look.

“Because you like each other and if you two are...,” Duke made a crude hand gesture and gave a suggestive grin to indicate what he meant. “Then I don't have to worry about you when I go off with someone.”

Nathan rolled his eyes.  "You don't have to worry about me when you go off with someone."

“Whatever,” Duke snorted. “More beer?”

"Yeah, thanks.  Who've you got your eye on?"

“No one,” Duke answered evasively. “Yet.” He grinned as he went to get more drinks.

Nathan rolled his eyes good-humoredly.

Most of the talk at the party was about college - dorms and professors, classes and exams.  New friends, new girl- and boyfriends, and all the exciting newness of college life.

As interesting as it was, hearing about everyone's new lives, Duke couldn't help but think back to his earlier assessment that he just didn't fit in with this crowd any more. He hadn't been able to keep up with them, and his life wasn't anywhere near as exciting as theirs were. Still, he stuck to his cover story, the fabric of lies he'd started weaving to avoid awkward questions. He told them about his job, his small rented room, his plans to buy a boat and get the hell out of Haven, go and start a new life somewhere else. By the time he'd finished, he even believed most of it himself.

"Sounds like you've got great things coming, Duke," Nathan clapped him on the shoulder.

“Big plans, Nate, big plans.”

"I'm glad," Nathan smiled.  "I was worried about you."

“Me?” Duke laughed. “You never need to worry about me. I am all good.” He pulled a small baggie from his pocket and waved it at the group. “Anyone interested?”

Ian nodded and Jeff dug for his wallet, but Nathan frowned.  "Guys, come on.  I'm going into law enforcement.  Stuff like this could ruin my career before it even gets started."

“You what?!” Duke stared at him.

Nathan gave him an odd look.  "What?  You always knew that's what the chief wanted."

“Yeah, but you didn't! What happened to pre-med?” Duke absent-mindedly took the money from Jeff and Ian and passed them the baggie, all of his attention on Nathan and the revelation that he'd given up on his dreams.

Nathan shrugged, his lipped pressed into a thin line.

“You just gave in? Just like that?”

Nathan's shoulders hunched.  "Not, not 'just like that'.  Look, it's complicated, okay?"

“If you say so, Nate,” Duke said quietly. “Guess you were planning to tell me at some point, right?” He stood and went to pour himself another cup of JD.

"Of course I was.  Hadn't come up yet is all," Nathan followed after him.

“Right,” Duke replied flatly. “It didn't come up when I asked you about college and how it was going. That wasn't a good moment to mention it.”

"It's just the first semester of freshman year, all I'm taking are generic starter courses anyhow with a few completely random electives thrown in!  I didn't even have to declare a major yet if I didn't want to."

“But you're planning to become a cop.”

"Yeah," Nathan didn't exactly sound enthused.  "It's what the men in my family do."

“Doesn’t mean you have to follow in their footsteps, no matter what the Chief says,” Duke reminded him. “You've gotta live your own life,” he added with a shrug.

"That was just a stupid kid's dream," Nathan mumbled.

“No, a stupid kids dream is being an astronaut or a pirate or a cowboy. Not being a doctor. Nathan, that's not a kids dream, that's a plan for the rest of your life and you can do it. I know you can.”

Nathan's shoulder slumped.  "No, Duke, I really can't."

“Why? You're at college, your dad's paying for it, you've got every opportunity in the world. You just  _ won't _ , because you're scared of him, same as you always have been.”

Nathan scowled.  "Ever occur to you that if he's paying for my college education then maybe he's got a right to have a say in it?"

“So persuade him,” Duke shrugged. “You could've tried at least.” With that, he abandoned his plans of trying to find a warm bed for the night and turned on his heel, long strides carrying him out of the door and down the path into the darkness.

Nathan frowned after Duke, wondering why he cared so much about Nathan's future career.


	3. Chapter 3

Everything was closed by the time Duke left the party, so he spent a cold night hunkered down and shivering in an empty fishing shack set just above the high tide line on the rocky beach.  Morning couldn’t come soon enough, and once it was light he set out for the diner.  He had the money he’d made from Jeff and Ian the night before so he decided to treat himself to a plate of waffles and a bottomless coffee.  That should buy him a couple of hours inside at least.

Mid-morning came around and he was on his third mug of coffee when he saw Nathan walk into the diner, looking tired and hungover.  Duke squashed down into the booth, making himself as small as possible, and hoped Nathan wouldn’t notice him.

No such luck.  "Hey, Duke.  Mind if I join you?"

“Free country,” Duke mumbled, forcing himself to smile.

"You look as hungover as I feel," Nathan groaned, slumping into the booth, absolutely oblivious to any other reason Duke might not be happy about his presence.

“Yeah,” Duke replied evasively. “Good night after I left?”

"Yeah, good to be back with the old gang.  How come you took off early?"

Duke shrugged. “Wasn't really in a party mood. Had other stuff to do.”

Nathan looked confused, but he nodded acceptance and sat quietly, drinking the black coffee the waitress had brought him.

After an awkward couple of minutes of staring at the table and ignoring Nathan, Duke broke the silence. “Got anything good planned for today? Or just hangover recovery?” He grinned.

"Pretty much just hangover recovery," Nathan rubbed a hand over his face.  "The chief has the day off, he wanted to drag me out ice fishing at the ass crack of dawn.  Father-son quality time or some such bullshit.  I barely got outta there, I can't show myself at home all damn day."

“Yeah, no, that does not sound fun,” Duke laughed. “Coffee and holing up in here all day, then?”

Nathan grimaced.  "Don't really wanna be here all day, even if they'd let me - which I doubt.  Maybe we could hang out at yours?  Would love to see your new place."

“Not much to do at my place, being a bit slow getting set up with... entertainment stuff…” Duke hedged. He quickly ran through an assessment of his finances. “Cinema?”

Nathan shrugged.  "We don't have to do much of anything, we can just sit and talk."

“Talk?” Duke laughed. “Nate. C'mon. We've never been much for shooting the shit. Could go for a drive down to Bangor, get outta Haven for the day?”

Nathan shook his head.  "I only just got back.  And we've missed a lot.  I missed you.  We can't just catch up?"

“Yeah, sorry, 'course we can. Just not at my place, yeah?”

Nathan frowned, confused.  "Why not?"

Duke scratched the back of his neck. “Reasons,” he replied airily.

"If you're worried I'm gonna think your place is a pigsty, you've never seen a boys' dorm," Nathan snorted.

“No, no, it's not that. It's just…” Duke thought on his feet, coming up with an off-the-cuff lie. “It's not as...cool...as I made it sound. I mean, it is a rented room but it's in this old lady's house. She gets really crabby when I'm there during the day, making noise and mess, so I stay outta there as much as possible.” He mentally crossed his fingers that Nathan would drop it now and not ask too many questions because that lie wasn't going to hold up to much scrutiny.

Nathan reached across the table to squeeze Duke's shoulder.  "I don't care if it's not cool, it's your home, I'm not gonna think less of it.  And who knows, maybe having the chief's son over will make her think you're more respectable."

“Nate, please drop it,” Duke replied sharply. “We're not going there. End of.”

Nathan jerked back as if he'd been hit.  "You don't have to snap, I was just trying to be nice.  Jeez, what've you got some nudie posters up or something?"

“Tons of 'em,” Duke joked. “You'd feel right at home.” He paused for a second. “Sorry for snapping, it's just that my place isn't an option. Happy to spend time with you, just somewhere else. Anywhere else.”

Nathan gave him an odd look, but let it pass...for now.  "Okay, so not my place, not your place, we were just at the McShaws', it's winter so nothing outdoors….ugh."

“So we stay here. Or a bar. Or there's the arcade, the pool hall, the boxing gym,” Duke told him with a grin. “This is not a drama, Nate.”

"Shut up, I'm too hungover to think," Nathan mumbled with another swig of his coffee.  "We can't go to a bar, it's not even noon.  I don't want to even think about the arcade, all those lights and noise.  Isn't there any place quiet?"

“Library?” Duke laughed.

"Yeah maybe," Nathan perked up a little.  "'Specially if we can get one of the study rooms."

Duke studied him for a moment before shrugging his jacket back on. “Let's go then.”

"Want to smuggle in something to eat and drink?" Nathan grinned as he paid his tab.

“After last time? No way,” Duke laughed.

Nathan grimaced.  "You're right, we'll be lucky if they don't frisk us on the way in."

“Be lucky if they let us in at all,” Duke steeled himself against the icy blast of wind as he opened the door.

The librarian gave them a stern look, her eyes narrowing as she took in the two ill-reputed boys.

Nathan held up his hands in a placating gesture.  "We'll obey every rule, I promise," he said quietly.

“Scouts honour,” Duke said seriously, holding up his fingers in a fair representation of the scouts salute.

The librarian snorted, but didn't actually tell them to get out.

There was a small study room free and Duke dropped into a chair while Nathan closed the door. “So how was last night then? Did you and Hannah…?”

Nathan frowned and shook his head.

“Is that a no you didn't? Or a no you're not telling me?”

"No I didn't, and why do you want so badly to know anyhow?"

“No reason,” Duke mumbled. “You just seemed sad about whatshername...Sarah? Thought Hannah might take your mind off her.”

Nathan shook his head.  "I appreciate the thought, but a one-night stand won't help.  Doesn't mean anything."

“Does it have to?” Duke asked, surprised.

"No.  But maybe I want it to."

Duke looked at him quizzically, as though trying to understand. “Yeah, ok. Sorry.”

"You never wanted that?" Nathan asked.

“It's…no,” Duke replied. “Sex is sex, it has nothing to do with love or meaning something or connection or any of that bullshit. It's just fucking,” he shrugged.

"It can be, sure.  But I think it can be more, too."

“If you say so. Not really my style, y'know,” Duke shrugged, not admitting that the whole concept of  _ more _ was alien to him. “So. What're your plans for the holidays?”

Nathan's mouth thinned.  "Chief's working, as usual.  We're doing the traditional day-after gift swap but on Christmas proper I'll just sit around, make myself some cocoa, watch Christmas movies.  You?"

“Not much,” Duke admitted. “You...uh... You want some company? For Christmas, I mean.”

Nathan brightened.  "Really?  You don't have other stuff you'd rather be doing?"

“Nope,” Duke grinned. “Just let me know when the Chief’s heading out and I'll come over.” A sudden thought struck him. “Shit. I've gotta go. Sorry, Nate, look, let me know, yeah? See ya.” With that, he dashed out of the study room.

Nathan blinked, left suddenly alone.

Duke pulled his jacket on as he left the library and hurried down the sidewalk at an almost-run. If he was quick, he might be able to pick up the lunch shift at the diner. They didn't always have work, but if someone had called in sick (and it was the season for it), there might be some pot washing to do.

He was in luck, he picked up not only the lunch shift but the dinner run as well. Being in the kitchen was  _ warm _ and the chef was friendly, always cooking up a few extra fries and occasionally even an extra hamburger patty to keep the kitchen crew fed while they were on shift. There were definitely worse ways to earn a few bucks, Duke thought, most of which he'd done. The kitchen was much better and he wished he could work here full time. He had his name down on the waitlist for the next vacancy but so far no one had left.

By the end of both shifts, he was warm and well fed and had some money in his pocket. He carefully stashed it away, earmarking it to buy Nathan a Christmas present.


	4. Chapter 4

Christmas day came around and Duke lurked near Nathan’s house, staying out of sight until he saw the Chief leaving.  He waited for a moment to be sure he’d really gone before bounding up the driveway and ringing the bell.

Even though it was preposterously early, not even light out yet, Nathan opened the door promptly, a big grin on his face.  Before Duke had offered to come over, he'd been dreading the thought of spending Christmas alone while everyone else celebrated with their loved ones.  Not that it was a new idea - ever since Nathan's mother had died, the chief had declared that he was spending Christmas working so that other officers could have the day off.  When Nathan had objected, the chief had told him that he was too old to be believing in Santa, so they could just celebrate their Christmas on the day after.  Not that they ever did much celebrating, a gift exchange and take-out Chinese - if it hadn't been for Nathan's insistence, the chief probably wouldn't have even bothered putting up a Christmas tree.  

It wasn't new for Duke to come over, either - every Christmas he'd been able to get away, he'd spent with Nathan, and as far as Nathan was concerned it was the saving of Christmas.  He pulled Duke into a tight hug.  "Merry Christmas, Duke."

“Merry Christmas, Nate,” Duke replied, squeezing Nathan just as tightly, grateful to be spending Christmas with his friend instead of wandering around town in the freezing cold.

Nathan held the hug for a moment longer before letting Duke go with a pat on the back.  "C'mon in, I've got the cocoa on the stove already.  I even made pancakes for breakfast," he beamed proudly.  "I rented a bunch of Christmas movies and last night I got takeout from the diner, a couple turkey dinners we can reheat in the oven.  It's not much of a feast, but it didn't feel right to sit around on Christmas having sandwiches, you know?  And of course I got your present."

Duke grinned at his excitement.  “You’re awesome, you know that?  This is gonna be a  _ great _ Christmas.”

"It really is," Nathan said happily, slinging an arm around his shoulders as they headed into the kitchen.  A couple of large mugs sat ready, an unwrapped candy cane in each mug.  He ladled some cocoa for them and lifted his mug.  "To a great Christmas."

“To a great Christmas,” Duke echoed, clinking his mug against Nathan’s, top and bottom, the way they always did.  He shrugged out of his jacket and rummaged in his old, battered rucksack, eventually coming out with a parcel wrapped in brown paper and tied up with string.  “Got you something,” he smiled shyly.

"I got you something too," Nathan beamed as he took the package.  "C'mon into the living room, I put it under the tree.  We can open them together."

Duke followed Nathan into the living room and admired the tree which he knew Nathan would have decorated by himself.  There were just three presents sitting under the tree, all of which were inexpertly wrapped in bright paper with ‘happy holidays’ all over it.  He wondered if Nathan had wrapped all three of them himself, and if that meant he’d wrapped his own present from his father.  That was sad.  “Tree looks good,” he said as he folded his legs beneath him and sat down on the carpeted floor.

"Thanks," Nathan's smile turned sheepish as he extracted a large bundle and held it out.  "Sorry the wrapping job is so shitty.  You'd think by now I'd have had enough practice…"

“Not like mine’s any better,” Duke told him.  “Can I open it now?”  He asked with a huge, excited, grin.

"Yeah, yeah, open it!" Nathan grinned, just as excited.

Containing his excitement, Duke carefully removed all of the tape before sliding the paper off and putting it to one side ready to fold neatly.  “Nathan...wow...you didn’t have to...I don’t know what to say,” he mumbled awkwardly, holding up a long, black, insulated parka.  It was like a wearable sleeping bag and it would make his nights outside much easier.  He couldn’t help but wonder if Nathan  _ knew _ that he needed it.  He hoped not.

"I thought it'd make you look all badass.  Do you like it?" Nathan asked anxiously.

“ _ Like it _ ?”  Duke replied incredulously, getting to his feet so he could try it on and grinning when he found it fit perfectly.  “Nate, I  _ love _ it.  How do I look?”  He attempted a graceful twirl and nearly fell flat on his face.

Nathan laughed.  "You look awesome!  It suits you perfectly."

“Thanks,” Duke grinned.  “You’re a really good friend, you know that?”  He glanced at the small, brown, package next to Nathan and his face glowed red as he realised how insignificant it was compared to this.

"That's what friends are for, right?" Nathan smiled and picked up Duke's gift.  Despite Duke's protestations, the poor wrapping had been artistically applied, and it looked far better - at least in his eyes - than his own clumsy wrapping job.  He pulled the bow apart and unwrapped the paper.  "'Romantic poetry to quote for your lover'?  This your way of saying I've got no game with chicks?" he grinned.

“No!”  Duke replied, his face going a deeper red.  “I just thought...you were saying the other day that...well I got the impression that you were looking for romance and...and I thought that might help.”

Nathan gently cuffed Duke's shoulder.  "You're right.  This is perfect.  Because let's be honest - and if you ever breathe one word of this to anyone else you will regret it - I really  _ don't _ have any game with chicks."

“Nathan,” Duke grinned.  “ _ Everyone _ knows you have no game with chicks, that is not a big secret.”  He threw an elbow into Nathan’s ribs, not hard enough to hurt.  “Glad you like it,” he smiled.

"It's the perfect gift," Nathan grinned and put an arm around Duke's neck, drawing him into a headlock and giving him a noogie.

“Gonna get you back for that later,” Duke laughed after he’d pulled free.  He made a vague attempt to smooth his hair back down but thought it was probably a lost cause.  “So you mentioned something about pancakes?”

"Yeah, c'mon, let's get breakfast and pick a movie," Nathan said happily.

Duke happily tucked into the pancakes, the first proper meal he’d had for two days.  “These’re good,” he mumbled through a mouthful.  “Didn’t know you could cook,” he added after he’d swallowed.

Nathan looked sheepish.  "Can't.  You wouldn't believe how long it took me to figure out pancakes."  He added more to Duke's plate, adding maple syrup and whipped cream.  "I got some fruit too, but I didn't think I was up to other breakfast stuff like bacon or eggs or sausage."

“Pancakes are good,” Duke mumbled through another mouthful.  “‘ppreciate it, thanks.”

"I wanted to do something special.  Christmas morning breakfast should be more than cold cereal," Nathan said quietly, thinking back to the many Christmas mornings they'd eaten exactly that.

“Yeah,” Duke agreed.  “Cereal does not make a good Christmas morning breakfast.”  He didn’t add that actually any sort of breakfast would be fine with him.  “So what films did you get?”

"A Christmas Story, It's a Wonderful Life - all the usual stuff."

“Please tell me you got Gremlins or Die Hard too,” Duke asked hopefully.

Nathan laughed.  "Wouldn't be Christmas without 'em.  Chief took a double shift, so we got plenty of time."

“Awesome,” Duke grinned, swiping his finger across his plate to wipe up the last of the maple syrup. He leaned over to pick up Nathan's plate and went to put the dirty dishes in the sink. “I'll get these washed up and we can start watching,” he said, rolling up his sleeves and running water.

"You wash, I rinse and dry?"  Nathan offered, grabbing a dishtowel.

“Nice one,” Duke grinned. “Get it done faster so we can lounge in front of the TV.”

"Exactly," Nathan offered a high five.

Scooping up a handful of soap suds, Duke slapped his hand on Nathan's and laughed when Nathan spluttered through a faceful of soapy foam. “Sorry,” he said through his laughter. “Couldn't resist it.”

Nathan grinned and scooped up a handful of suds and reached out to rub it in Duke's hair.

Ducking away from him, Duke scooped up another handful and raised it threateningly in Nathan's direction. “You really wanna do this? You know you're gonna lose, right?” He grinned mischievously.

Nathan considered his options, then grabbed the bottle of maple syrup and splashed Duke from his head to his knees.

Duke looked down at himself and lunged for the bottle, grabbing it out of Nathan's hand, and tried to pin him down so he could empty it over his head. “You’re gonna pay for that, Nate,” he grinned.

Nathan squirmed wildly, grabbing for the whipped cream and spraying it at Duke.  Most of it missed him as he turned and darted around the table, putting a barrier between them.  He swore loudly as he caught his hip on the corner of the table and raised his hands towards Nathan in a placating gesture.

Nathan winced at the impact of flesh hitting wood.  He put down the can and came around the table, looking worried.  "You okay?  That sounded like it hurt."

Clutching at his hip, Duke nodded. He bided his time, waiting for Nathan to get closer, drawing him in so he could whirl around, pick up the can and squirt it straight down the back of Nathan's shirt. He wasn't counting on his foot slipping in the mess of soap, syrup and whipped cream which now covered the floor. As he fell, he grabbed Nathan around the neck, dragging him with him, and they both tumbled to the floor with a crash.

Nathan yowled at the surprise attack, then yelped as they went down in a sticky, slippery wreck.  "Truce, for chrissakes," he wheezed.

Duke half laughed, half coughed. “Yeah, truce.” He stuck out his hand to shake on it.

Nathan shook on it, and eyed Duke.  "Sorry about your clothes.  You can borrow something of mine while yours are in the wash.  I'll clean this up while you get a shower, okay?"

“Yeah, thanks,” Duke grinned, staring down at himself and casting a glance towards Nathan. “You're just as bad, though.”

"Exactly.  No point in showering and changing into clean clothes only to end up a mess all over again cleaning this up."

“True, true,” Duke agreed, getting to his feet and narrowly avoiding slipping again.

"Here," Nathan handed him the dishtowel.  "Kick off your shoes and use this to mop yourself up as best you can before you go upstairs - if we get this stuff all over the carpets, we'll have to use the rug shampoo."

“That would not be good,” Duke agreed, taking the proffered dishtowel and dabbing futilely at his clothes.

"Right royal pain in the ass," Nathan agreed, grabbing handfuls of paper towels and beginning to swab up the goo.

“Where's your washer?” Duke checked, abandoning his efforts to clean his clothes.

"Laundry room's by the back porch."

“No peeking,” Duke warned as he peeled off his shirt and went to drop all of his clothes in the washer. Stark naked, he dashed back past Nathan and ran upstairs to the bathroom.

"Streaker!" Nathan hollered after him, laughing.

“Perv!” Duke yelled back. “Knew you'd look!”

"Nothin' I haven't seen before," Nathan yelled in return.

Duke slammed the door behind him and, still laughing, started the shower going. He stayed in there for a while, enjoying the warmth and the steam and the scent and being  _ clean _ . He rinsed the soap out of his hair and dried off, wrapping himself in a towel as he went to Nathan's bedroom to rummage in his closet.

Nathan got the worst of the mess up with paper towels, then wiped down the counter and table (and cabinets...at least they hadn't gotten the ceiling).   Before he got the mop to finish up with the floor, he decided that Duke had had the right idea - he went to the laundry room and stripped down, starting the washer before coming back to finished the cleaning naked lest he drip on the freshly cleaned floors.  It took some time to clean everything up, but since Duke was taking his time in the shower, it worked out.  The water shut off just before Nathan finished putting the mop and bucket away, and he trudged upstairs covering himself with his hands.

“Well I didn't know you were planning a naked Christmas,” Duke joked when he saw Nathan.

"Now who's the perv," Nathan smirked as he ducked into the bathroom.  The shower was barely tepid and cooling fast - Duke must have used all the hot water.  It made Nathan wonder, as he hurriedly washed, how often Duke had to go without hot showers.

Rifling through Nathan's closet, Duke came up with an old, soft, well worn, pair of jeans and a thick sweater, fleecey and warm. He quickly dressed before he got cold again, and pulled on a thick pair of woollen socks that he found in the drawer. He was just pulling on the second sock when Nathan came in.

“I, uh...I found some clothes, hope you don't mind?” Duke said.

Nathan gave him a puzzled look.  "Why would I mind?  I said you could borrow stuff."  He had a towel wrapped around his waist and his hair was rumpled and damp.

“Thanks,” Duke grinned. “Haven't seen you like that for a while,” he waved his hand towards Nathan's naked chest. “You look...good.”

Nathan grinned and took a step closer, abandoning his search for clothes.  "Yeah?  You looked pretty good too, running by without a stitch on."

“That was the general idea,” Duke smirked, stepping into Nathan's space. “I mean it though, you been working out or something?”

Nathan grinned, pleased that Duke had noticed.  "Yeah, little bit."  He wormed his fingers up under the sweater Duke had chosen, seeking out bare skin.

“Thought so,” Duke whispered as Nathan's fingers brushed his ribs. Not wanting Nathan to feel how thin he was, he reached out to run his hand over Nathan's chest, slowly drifting downwards to dip under the edge of the towel.

It was an effective distraction - Nathan's breath caught, and his hands moved to undo Duke's fly.

Duke grinned and pushed Nathan's hands away. He dropped to his knees with a soft thud and ran his hands up Nathan's thighs, sliding under the towel and pulling it off.

"Duke," Nathan breathed, already hard, eager for Duke's soft mouth.

“Nate,” Duke grinned up at him, grasping him in one hand before parting his lips and taking him into his mouth.

"Fuck, you're good," Nathan groaned, twining his hands in Duke's hair.

“Mm hmm,” Duke agreed, mumbling around Nathan’s length in his mouth, his heart giving a faint flutter at the praise. He dipped his head, taking Nathan deeper as his hand worked up and down.

Nathan moaned and gasped, leaning back against the wall as his knees grew weak.

Duke pulled his head away for just long enough to speak. “Tell me before, yeah?” He didn't wait for an acknowledgement and went straight back to work, trusting that Nathan  would warn him.

"Course," Nathan said breathlessly.  "Have I ever not?"

He had a point, Duke thought, but still…worth saying because that was  _ not _ his idea of a good time. He started to suck harder and move his hand faster, wanting to make Nathan feel good.

"Fuck, fuck, Duke, holy shit," Nathan whimpered, trying hard not to buck into Duke's mouth.

“Mmm,” Duke moaned around him, showing his own pleasure. Being able to do this, to make Nathan so excited that he lost control, that was  _ hot. _

"God, Duke, I wanna get you off too, I wanna see you come, I wanna fuck your mouth," Nathan panted.

“Want that too,” Duke half-whined at him, his hand never slowing even as he took Nathan back into his mouth.

Nathan groaned incoherently, his words falling apart at Duke's enthusiastic efforts.  It wasn't long before he was pushing at Duke's shoulders in frantic warning.

Duke backed off straight away, kneeling back on his heels as he looked up to watch Nathan's face. He worked his hand up and down, faster now, running right to the tip and adding in a gentle twist before sliding back down again.

Nathan made a choked sound and spilled into Duke's hand, shivering through his pleasure.

Reaching for the discarded towel, Duke cleaned up and passed it to Nathan. “Good then?” He smirked, not really needing an answer.

Nathan slumped to the floor, beaming blissfully.  "You're amazing."

“Kinda knew that,” Duke joked even as the compliment sent heat rushing through him. He shuffled around to sit next to Nathan, both of their backs against the wall, and threw a gentle elbow into Nathan's ribs. “You're not bad yourself.”

"Gimme a minute to catch my breath and I'll show you how not-so-bad I am," Nathan grinned, expressive and openly happy in a way Duke had only ever seen after sex.

“Gonna hold you to that,” Duke smirked, his eyes dancing as he watched Nathan's face.

Nathan looked over and grinned.  "You could give yourself a head start."

“You always did like to watch,” Duke half laughed, amused as he slid his hand beneath the waistband of the too-loose jeans.

"What can I say, every guy likes a good show.  Open your pants, lemme see."

Looking back at Nathan with dark eyes and parted lips, Duke's fingers unbuttoned, unzipped, opening his fly and pushing the jeans down his thighs so Nathan could watch as he wrapped his hand around himself and started to move.

"Show off," Nathan grinned, his expression heated as he watched intently.

“That a complaint?” Duke smirked back, his hand still moving. “Because you  _ literally _ asked for this.”

"Not complaining.  Just noticing how much you seem to enjoy it."

“Yeah, maybe,” Duke laughed. “But didn't you say something about showing me how 'not bad’ you are?” He raised one eyebrow suggestively.

Nathan chuckled and shifted over, nudging Duke's hand out of the way and wrapping his own around the stiff flesh.

“Fuck,” Duke breathed, leaning his head back to rest on the wall as Nathan's hand replaced his own.

"That's the idea," Nathan smirked, sliding his other hand up under the soft sac to tease the sensitive spot behind it.

Duke let out a hiss of breath. “Fuck,” he said again, trying to keep still under Nathan's touch.

"Show me how much you want it, Duke," Nathan said eagerly, brushing his thumb over the tip.  "Show me how bad you want me."

“God that's so good,” Duke choked out, pushing his hips up towards Nathan's hand. “ _ You’re _ so good.”

"Yeah, just like that, Duke, c'mon, fuck my hand," Nathan told him, speeding his pace.

Duke let out a groan of satisfaction as Nathan's hand found his rhythm and he pushed into Nathan's fist more firmly. “Nate,” he whined. “That's so fucking good. Don't stop.”

"You gonna come for me, Duke?  You want it so bad, you're gonna come hard, aren't you?"

“Faster,” Duke pleaded urgently, his hands clenching into fists, seeking something to hold on to.

Nathan obliged him, adding a twist to his strokes.  There was something about seeing Duke like this that spoke to something hungry and possessive inside him.

Shivering under Nathan's touch, Duke came hard, his head thrown back as he cried out a wordless sound of pleasure.

"Yeah, like that," Nathan grinned, continuing to stroke Duke though his climax.

Duke slumped bonelessly against the wall, all the tension in his muscles leaving him. “Fuck,” he whispered softly.

Nathan smirked and grabbed a box of tissues, cleaning himself up and offering the box to Duke.

“Thanks,” Duke muttered as he took the box. “You weren't joking about being not bad at that,” he grinned. “When did you get so...chatty? You always used to be the quiet one.”

Nathan grinned.  "S'different when you don't have to worry about getting caught."

“True. Kinda nice,” Duke smiled, pulling his jeans back on. “We putting a film on or what?”

"Sure thing.  What do you want to watch first?"

“Gremlins,” Duke replied decisively. “Don't spose you got any popcorn?”

"Got some yesterday," Nathan grinned.

“You're the best,” Duke cuffed him round the shoulder.

"Put the movie in and get comfy on the couch, I'll bring out the popcorn and sodas in a minute."

Duke did what he was told, even going so far as to pull the blanket off the back of the couch and wrap it around himself, leaving an end free for Nathan in case he wanted it.

Nathan came down and set the snacks on the coffee table, climbing under the blanket and wrapping an arm around Duke.  "S'good to be back home," he murmured, leaning against him.

“Good to have you home,” Duke said honestly, leaning into the contact.

They spent the rest of the day watching movies - traditional Christmas films alternating with action and comedy - and eating snacks, only pausing to reheat the takeout turkey dinners Nathan had picked up. Duke thought it was the best Christmas he'd ever had and it was made better when Nathan pointed out that the chief would be home late so Duke could hide out in his room for the night. He snuck out the next morning while it was still dark outside, making sure he was well out of the way before the chief woke up and found him there.


	5. Chapter 5

Nathan looked around Haven's lone grocery store as he picked up a few items for dinner, hoping to spot Duke since his friend had said he'd gotten a job there.

“You looking for something, kid?” The storekeeper noticed the searching expression on his face.

Nathan turned and saw the manager, recognizing him as an old fishing buddy of his father's.  "Oh, Mr. Sanders.  It's good to see you again.  The chief sends his regards," he said politely.

“Good to see you too, young Nathan. Your dad won't stop going on about you following in his footsteps, keeps telling us old timers how proud he is that you're continuing the family tradition,” Mr. Sanders replied warmly, recognising Nathan now he'd mentioned the chief.

Nathan put on a smile hiding his incredulity.  The chief, proud of him?  The man might as well have said the sun had risen in the west.  "That's good to hear.  Could you tell me if Duke Crocker is working today, please?  I needed to tell him something and I've had trouble finding him."

“Duke Crocker?” Mr. Sanders mused. “Tall, skinny, scruffy looking?”

Nathan nodded.  "He said he'd gotten a job here."

“No, no, sorry kid, he doesn't work here. Comes in every now and again, buys a pack of gum, that's all I see of him.”

"Oh.  Well...thanks, Mr. Sanders."  Nathan looked baffled.  Duke had lied to him?  Why would he have lied?

“No problem, Nathan, hope you catch up to him. He's a slippery little devil, that one.”

"Guess so," Nathan frowned.  He bought the groceries and brought them home, then went back out looking for Duke.  Without a home or workplace to look at, he could do nothing but once again drive aimlessly.

Duke slunk down the street, away from the church. His belly was full for the first time since Christmas day but he wished he hadn't had to resort to the Rev’s soup kitchen. The food hadn't been worth the holier-than-thou 'how to turn your life around’ lecture that he'd gotten. He let out a deep sigh that turned into a groan as he caught sight of the now-familiar blue Ford Bronco.

Nathan frowned.  Duke hated the Church of the Good Shepherd and everything associated with it, especially the Rev.  Why would he be leaving it?  Surely not….didn't those basement doors lead to the church's soup kitchen?

His mind working frantically, Duke tried to come up with an excuse even as he looked for a route of escape to try to avoid the awkward conversation he knew was coming. Distraction, that would work. Squaring his shoulders, he strode across to where Nathan's truck was now parked and threw himself in through the passenger door.

“Nate,” he grinned. “Haven't seen you for a few days. What ya been up to?”

"Hey, Duke.  What were you doing at the church?  Though you hated that place," Nathan asked, blunt as always.

“Oh, you know, dropping off a donation from Mr. Sanders, stuff we had going spare at the store,” Duke replied airily.

Nathan frowned.  "Sanders said you don't work there, never have."

“You checked up on me?” Duke asked incredulously.

"I wasn't checking on you.  I wanted to ask you about New Year's Eve, so I asked him if you were working today.  Didn't know where else to find you."

“Sounds like checking up to me,” Duke replied hotly. “You couldn't just wait til you saw me?”

"I tried!  Been keeping an eye out for days.  Besides, I didn't go to the store just for you, I was there shopping for the chief and just happened to come across Sanders."

“Yeah, well, that's not the point,” Duke's voice was loud in the confined space of the truck. He stopped abruptly, realising that maybe that  _ was _ the point. He'd always known his cover stories wouldn't hold up to much scrutiny. “Gotta go,” he mumbled as he threw the door open.

"Duke, c'mon, wait," Nathan reached out to grab his arm.

Duke shrugged off Nathan's hand but stayed in his seat. “Wait for what, Nathan? What did you want to find me for anyway? Or was it just to hassle me about being between jobs?”

"I told you, I just wanted to ask if you had plans for New Year's."

“No, no plans for New Year's,” Duke replied quietly, deciding to believe (for now) that Nathan didn't have an ulterior motive in checking up on him.

"We were gonna have a party at the McShaws, you're invited," Nathan told him.

Duke stayed silent for a moment, weighing up his options. He could go, it would be warm, there would be alcohol and (knowing Mrs McShaw) probably snacks too. But he didn't  _ fit _ with the old crowd any more, and what if Nathan told everyone he'd been lying about working at the store? He was running out of cover stories and he knew it. “Not really in a party mood these days,” he smiled. “But you have fun. See you around, Nate.” He got out of the truck and slammed the door behind him.

"Duke, wait!" Nathan called, but this time Duke didn't listen.  Nathan scrambled out and went around the truck, but Duke had already slipped away.

**********

Nathan paused the movie he was halfheartedly watching and went to pick up the insistently ringing phone.  "Yes?"

"Nathan?  That you?"  Bill McShaw's voice came over the line.

"Hey, Bill.  What's going on?"

"Have you talked to Duke?  He said he's not coming to New Year's.  Is everything ok with him?"

Nathan turned off the TV and reached for his jacket and shoes.  "I'll talk to him.  Where'd you see him?"

"He's at the arcade, or was ten minutes ago."

"Thanks, Bill.  I'll let you know."  Nathan hung up and headed for the door.

Duke was playing the machines, using the old coin-on-a-string trick to play for free. Coins clinked into a cup as the machine paid out and he grinned to himself. Today was not a bad day. It was dry and warm and he'd already made enough to get himself some food later. Moving onto the next machine, he glimpsed Nathan weaving his way around the machines and rolled his eyes. There was no point trying to hide.

“Nate,” he said through gritted teeth as Nathan approached him.

"Hey Duke," Nathan said quietly - or as quietly as possible in the noisy arcade.  

Punching buttons furiously, Duke tried to pretend he hadn't heard him as he finished his game. Realising that he was losing, he turned to Nathan. “Hey,” he said warily. “Checking up on me again?”

Nathan grimaced.  "Came to apologize."

“Yeah, ok,” Duke half laughed, half snorted.

"M' serious, Duke.  Wasn't trying to stalk you.  Sorry if it looked that way.  Let me buy you lunch, make up for it?"

Duke studied him for a minute before making up his mind. “Ok.”

Nathan looked relieved.  "C'mon.  Sandwich shop's doing foot-long subs for the price of a half-footer.  Let's make 'em regret it," he grinned.

“How many d'you think we can get before they kick us out?” Duke laughed.

"Least half a dozen between the two of us.  Betcha I can eat more."

“Yeah, no, I'm not taking that bet,” Duke grinned. He knew Nathan could (and would) eat far more than he would, even allowing for the fact that Duke would squirrel some away for later.

"You're no fun.  Bet on how many we can eat together?"

“Five bucks says three between us?” Duke suggested, knowing he'd eat at least one and another between them would be easy enough.

"You're on," Nathan said happily.  Personally he was pretty sure he could manage at least two just by himself, but he had no intention of winning that bet.

“C'mon then,” Duke elbowed Nathan and headed for the door.

Nathan put an arm around his shoulder companionably, ruffling his hair.  "Bill was worried about you, you know.  Sure you won't come to the party?"

Duke ducked away. “Nate. Mind the hair. Do you know how long it takes me to mess it up this artistically?” He smirked. “Might come, might not. Might get a better offer.”

Nathan looked hurt.  "Better offer?"

“Joke, Nathan. Lighten up,” Duke grabbed him playfully round the neck. “I mean...if it means that much to you, I'll be there.”

"Great," Nathan said, relieved, his arm tightening around Duke's shoulders.

“Idiot,” Duke said affectionately. “What fillings are we getting in these subs, then?” He asked as his tummy rumbled.

"Hm….roast beef and Swiss cheese, Italian, meatball….whatever sounds good to you."

“Yeah, all of that,” Duke laughed. “Meatball marinara with Swiss cheese?” He suggested.

"Gotta be mozarella, can't have meatball marinara with Swiss," Nathan grinned.  "We can get more than one type, though."

“Well now you're just being picky,” Duke pointed out. “Cheese is cheese and it goes with meatball marinara. Oh, we should definitely get a BLT. And I wonder if they're still doing their Christmas special?” Duke had seen it on their menu and thought it looked delicious.

"Probably.  If not maybe we can sweet talk them into making one for us."

“Yeah, maybe,” Duke said happily.

"You could, anyhow, you could sweet talk the moon out of the sky," Nathan chuckled.

Duke laughed as a blush rose to his face. “True, true, comes in useful sometimes. I mean, at least I got game with the chicks, Nate, unlike you,” he teased.

"Yeah, yeah," Nathan flipped Duke off.  "Hoping that'll change, thanks to you.  Think I should try out some of those lines at new year's?"

“Gotta be worth a try, you couldn't do any worse than last year.”

"Asshole, don't remind me," Nathan gave Duke a playful shove.  "That was half your fault anyhow, making me look bad by comparison."

“How was that my fault?” Duke squeaked indignantly. “You were the one who got drunk and puked on your shoes. That really didn't help.” A thought occurred to him. “Please tell me you've learned to hold your drink since then because I am  _ not  _ going through that again,” he shuddered.

"Fuck you, I can hold my drink just fine.  I'm in college, after all."

Duke rolled his eyes and his lips thinned momentarily, an expression of annoyance that Nathan missed. “Whatever,” Duke snorted. “Just as long as I don't have to take you home and clean you up this year.”

"Maybe I'll be the one taking you home and cleaning you up," Nathan retorted.  "Which, by the way, where the hell is your place?  I know your landlady doesn't like you to have people over but if I need to tell you something it'd be nice not to have to inadvertently stalk you."

“Nah, I've always been able to hold my drink,” Duke laughed, not mentioning the one time he  _ hadn't _ been able to. “Nice try, Nate, but if you turn up looking for me, she's probably gonna kick me out. Strict no visitors rule, y'know,” the lie fell easily off his tongue even as he felt a touch of regret at lying to his best friend.

"So I'll just park across the street and honk and you can come out," Nathan shrugged.  "Might piss her off a little but I'm only gonna be here a couple more weeks.  Or hell, I'll just stand by my car and wave until I catch your eye.  Or wait to see you coming or going.”

“Told you, I basically only sleep there. Your best bet is to find me at the docks, I'm there most days, there's usually some work to pick up, unloading or whatever,” Duke told him. “You know, just while I'm between jobs,” he added hurriedly.

"Yeah, okay," Nathan wasn't convinced, but the last thing he wanted was another fight with Duke.  "You gonna try out your game with chicks at the party?"

“Try out?” Duke laughed. “I've got that down to a fine art. No woman can resist my charms.”

Nathan snorted.  "Tell that to Julia."

Duke blushed. “Yeah, well, I was still practicing back then. Bet she wouldn't turn me down now.”

"Bet you twenty bucks she still does," Nathan smirked.

Duke shook his head. “Not taking easy money from you, Nate. Like taking candy from a baby.”

"You have no problems taking a bet you know I'll lose," Nathan scoffed.  "You just know you won't win this one."

“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that. Just 'cause I get all the girls you want.”

Nathan snorted.  "Your taste isn't that good."

“And yours is?” Duke argued good-naturedly.

"Better'n yours," Nathan grinned.

“Whatever,” Duke smirked as they arrived at the sandwich shop.

"Says the man who wants to put Swiss cheese on an Italian sandwich and justifies it with 'cheese is cheese'," Nathan snorted.

“So explain the difference between Swiss cheese and mozzarella,” Duke shrugged. “In fact, no, don't, you're at college, therefore you're an intellectual, therefore you have actual opinions about cheese. And honestly? I don't care enough to listen.” He grabbed Nathan round the neck and ruffled his hair.

Nathan grinned and said with the straightest of faces, "The holes have a taste all their own."

Duke let out a burst of laughter. “Did you actually just say that?”

"It's a thing all college intellectuals know," Nathan said gravely.

“You are such a dick,” Duke replied, laughing.

Nathan leaned over to murmur in Duke's ear.  "You like my dick."

Duke blushed a deep red, not quite able to believe Nathan had just said that in public, even though no one could hear. “Seem to recall you like mine, too,” he whispered into Nathan's ear.

Nathan grinned.  "It has its uses," he said at a normal volume.

“It does,” Duke agreed with a little smirk.

Nathan leaned close again.  "Maybe on New Year's Eve you should forget about Julia and spend the night with me instead."

Duke raised his eyebrows and leaned in to reply quietly. “That's a very forward suggestion coming from you but yeah, maybe I should.”

"We'll have the place to ourselves again," Nathan grinned.  "Chief'll be out cruising for DUIs all night."

“Then I am  _ definitely _ there,” Duke grinned back at him.

Nathan laughed and cuffed Duke's shoulder.  "We'll have our own little party."

“I'll bring the booze,” Duke promised. “Could be a fun night,” he grinned.

"I'll make sure we got snacks," Nathan said happily.

“Snacks are always good,” Duke agreed. “So what's the plan? Party at the McShaw’s, get wasted, back to yours, continue to get wasted, eat snacks, pass out and hope neither of us pukes?”

Nathan nodded.  "Party until midnight, walk back to my place, keep partying, pass out on our sides so if we puke we don't choke."

“So sensible,” Duke teased. “Don't worry, Nate, I'll look after you.”

Nathan snorted.  "Like you won't be too drunk to even take care of yourself."

“Nathan,” Duke pretended to take offence. “I  _ never _ get so drunk I can't take care of myself.”

"Dancing naked around a bonfire in January doesn't count as taking care of yourself."

“That was  _ fun _ ,” Duke protested. “Being drunk was just the excuse. And I seem to remember you stripping down to your boxers and joining in.”

"Kept the boxers on, though," Nathan smirked.  "I still have the photos, y'know."

“Oh god,” Duke groaned. “Burn them. Please.”

"Where's the fun in that?"

Duke groaned again. “Don't tell me, you're keeping them for your spank bank,” he joked.

"Please.  I've got better pictures."

“Yeah, I'm just gonna take your word for that because I  _ really _ don't need to know what your kinks are.”

"Fair enough," Nathan laughed.  "Let's eat."

“Good plan,” Duke agreed readily, his mouth already watering.

Nathan stepped up to the counter and ordered three of the large subs.  "Should do to start," he grinned at Duke.

“Just to start? Nate, anyone would think they didn't feed you at college,” Duke tried to joke, dropping his eyes away in case Nathan read the bitterness there.

"You seriously saying you're just not as hungry as I am?"

“Didn't say that,” Duke mumbled awkwardly. “Want a drink to go with them?”

"Sounds good. You?"

“I'll get 'em,” Duke said determinedly as he turned to go to the cold drinks cabinet. “What d’you want?”

"Just a cola's fine."

Duke picked out two cans from the fridge and set them on the counter. “I'll get these,” he pulled out coins from his pocket.

"Fair enough," Nathan agreed.

Duke nodded and paid for the drinks before turning to choose a table. “That one ok?” He checked with Nathan, nodding at the table nearest the heater.

"Looks good," Nathan agreed, paying for the sandwiches.

Duke pulled out a chair for Nathan who had his hands full balancing a tray of food, then pulled out his own chair and sat down, shrugging off his jacket before he did so. “Which one d'you want?” He asked, gesturing towards the sandwiches.

"Could split each of 'em," Nathan suggested.

“You read my mind,” Duke grinned, reaching for a sandwich and tearing it in half.  He eagerly devoured it, licking the crumbs from his fingers before Nathan had even taken a bite from his half.

Nathan opted not to comment, but he remembered Duke outside the soup kitchen and worried.

Duke ignored the slight frown on Nathan’s face.  The food was too good to worry about table manners.  He snapped the ring pull on his can of cola and washed down the sandwich with a couple of long gulps.

Nathan pushed another sandwich toward him as he slowly worked on his own.  If Duke was still hungry after that, he could have the rest.

Duke tore off half the sandwich again and pushed the plate back towards Nathan.  He ate more slowly now that the first one had taken the edge off his hunger.

Nathan took his time on the first half sandwich, wanting to make sure Duke could eat all he wanted.

“You’re right,” Duke said as he finished his second half-sandwich.  “Mozzarella  _ is _ better than swiss cheese.”  

"Told ya," Nathan smirked, pushing over the next sandwich.

“Yeah, yeah, smartass,” Duke grinned.  He eyed the plate doubtfully, realising that Nathan hadn’t even finished his first sandwich.

"What?" Nathan asked with his mouth full.

“Nothing,” Duke replied quickly, ripping the sandwich in half and picking at it slowly.

"Something wrong with the food?" Nathan asked worriedly.  "Your stomach hurting?"

“No, I’m fine.  Food’s good,” Duke replied, blushing slightly as he realised that Nathan had noticed his hesitance.  He ate more quickly, not wanting to draw any more attention to it, not wanting to explain that he just didn’t want to appear  _ greedy _ .

"It is good," Nathan agreed.  "They make a damn fine sandwich here."

“They definitely do,” Duke nodded, using the last of his sandwich to mop up the final crumbs on his plate.  He sat back and stretched.  “Man, I’m stuffed.”

"I'm getting there," Nathan admitted.  "Guess my eyes were bigger than my stomach."

“You have a late breakfast or something?”  Duke laughed.  “Because I’ve seen you eat  _ way _ more than that just as a snack.”

"Yeah.  Chief had a night shift tonight so we went out for brunch," Nathan was glad of the excuse Duke had so neatly handed him.

“You had brunch with your dad?” Duke raised his eyebrows.  “How’d that go?”

Nathan grimaced.  "You can imagine."  He pushed away the rest of the food, as if the topic had made him lose his appetite.

“That good, huh?”  Duke asked.  “You gonna finish that?”  

"Nah, all yours," Nathan told him.

“Thanks,” Duke replied, taking the rest of the food.  He ate quickly and followed it up with the rest of his can of cola, leaning back in his chair.  “Ugh, food coma,” he groaned.  “Remind me to never take a bet with you again.”

"Least you won, though." Nathan took out a five dollar bill and handed it over.

“Nah, you bought lunch, that more than covers it,” Duke waved it away.

"That was an apology for fucking up," Nathan shook his head.  "Not part of the bet."

“Ok,” Duke smiled. “Thanks for lunch and apology accepted.”

"Great," Nathan grinned, relieved, and reached across the table to lightly cuff Duke's shoulder.

“Idiot,” Duke grinned back. “What you up to for the rest of the day?”

"Just chilling.  Want to do something?" Nathan smiled.

“Yeah. What do you fancy? Ice fishing?” Duke teased.

Nathan grimaced.  "The hell the chief sees in sitting on a goddamn block of ice at ass o'clock in the morning doing literally nothing for hours on end…"

“Seriously? Like...what is the fucking point? The fish don't even bite.”

"Even if they do, who gives a shit, it's not like that makes it all worth it.  Deep-sea fishing in the summer, sure, I'll go out on a boat and drop some lines, even if I don't get something to take home for dinner I'll still enjoy the sun and sea breeze and have a few beers in good company.  But ice fishing?  Ugh."

“I’m with you on that,” Duke agreed. “Nothing worse than being  _ cold _ .”

Nathan nodded, making a face.

“So something inside, then. Cinema?”

"Sounds good."

“Cool. On me, yeah? Might as well put these winnings to good use,” Duke grinned.

"Fair enough," Nathan agreed.  He would have preferred to pay, but Duke had his pride, and matinee movie tickets at least were cheap.

“Good. Shall we go then?” Duke stood up and pulled his jacket on.

Nathan stood as well.  "Now...what to see?"

“Streetfighter just came out,” Duke suggested.

"Sounds good," Nathan said happily, putting an arm around Duke's shoulders as they headed off.


	6. Chapter 6

Nathan slammed the door as he stormed out of the house, angry at his father.  He climbed into the Bronco and peeled out, restlessly cruising the quiet streets of Haven at two a.m.  He drove without direction or purpose, paying no real attention to his surroundings - until movement over by the liquor store caught his eye.

Duke was busy loading boxes of liquor into the trunk of Shorty's car. The job was going smoothly, better than he thought it would have considering he trusted Shorty about as far as he could throw him. Which wasn't very far, considering the nickname was a misnomer. He was anything  _ but _ short and had the build of the proverbial brick outhouse. Duke knew better than to cross him - which was why he was loading the boxes while Shorty sat in the car with the engine running.

Nathan frowned and pulled the car around.  No one should be there at that hour - what trouble was going on?

As Duke loaded the last box into the trunk, the car roared away from him with a squeal of the tyres. “What the  _ fuck _ , man?” He shouted, his arms thrown up into the air. Seeing another set of headlights, a car which absolutely wasn't supposed to be there (he hadn't spent weeks casing this place for nothing), he dropped his arms and prepared to run.

"Duke?  What the hell!" Nathan yelled, leaning out of his window.

Fuck. Of all the people it could have been, it had to be  _ Nathan _ . Deciding to face him head on, Duke sauntered across to the truck. “Nate,” he grinned. “This is not what it looks like.”

"You were carrying boxes of booze out of a liquor store though a back door with a broken lock at two o'clock in the morning, Duke.  What the fuck is it?" Nathan scowled.

“Lock was broken when I got here,” Duke lied easily. “I was just helping someone out with some heavy lifting.”

"Don't bullshit me!" Nathan growled.  "You were robbing the damn liquor store!  With your buddy who apparently decided to fuck you over by taking off."

“Whatever you say, Nate. You just keep seeing what you want to see,” Duke shrugged sullenly.

"What the hell else am I supposed to see?  'Helping someone with heavy lifting'?  At two o'clock in the morning?" Nathan said incredulously.

“Fine, Nathan, it's  _ exactly _ what it looks like. What are you gonna do about it?” Duke challenged.

"What the hell should I do?" Nathan demanded.  "Call my dad?  This isn't kid stuff, Duke!  This isn't underage drinking or shoplifting some snacks or even having a couple joints on you at a party!  You get caught, you're going to jail!"

“Fucking call him then! At least in jail I'd have 3 meals, hot showers, and a bed for the night which is better than I've got right now!” Duke shot back, abandoning his carefully crafted lies in favour of calling Nathan’s bluff.

"So you  _ were _ lying then!  You don't have a job, you don't even have a place!  All that stuff about your cranky landlady, that was all bullshit!" Nathan said, outraged.

“Yeah, I was lying! What did you expect? You wanted me to say 'hi Nate, how's college, yeah, my life's great, thanks’, so I did. I told you what you wanted to hear. So now you know. And I've had a  _ really _ shitty night which you are  _ not _ helping with and if you aren't going to call your old man like the daddy's boy you are, I'm gonna take off,” Duke sneered at him and turned to go.

"Don't you go running off on me!" Nathan snapped.  "You could have damn well said something!  I'd have helped, you  _ know _ that, you don't have to go throwing your life down the drain.  You could still get into college, plenty of people take a semester off after high school.  You could get a scholarship, stay in the dorms, straighten your life out, make something of yourself instead of ending up in jail."

“You'd’ve helped?!” Duke laughed. “You didn't even fucking notice! You think it's so fucking easy, don't you? Just apply to college, get a scholarship. Has it ever fucking occurred to you that I  _ tried _ ?”

“Bullshit, you could have gotten in!  I did, Julia did, Geoff and Bill, we all did, all the rest of us.  You could have gotten accepted, you could have gotten scholarships.  You could have done it if you’d really tried, but instead you just blew it off.  I tried back then to help you have a better life, and you didn’t want it then either!” Nathan glared.

Duke ran his hands through his hair before dropping his hands to his sides, frustrated.  “I didn’t want it?  You have no fucking  _ idea _ how much I wanted that, you asshole!  You have no idea how hard I tried.  Oh, but if you did it anyone can - sure you made it, you sanctimonious prick!  You had your dad to pay your application fees and help you decide on a school, you had the teachers and the guidance counselor to help you wade through the maze of applications and polish your essays, you had your dad’s fishing buddy over at the bank to help you fill our your financial aid paperwork and get loans.  I had  _ no one _ .  Can you even begin to imagine trying to figure all that stuff out on your own?"  He paused, watching Nathan for a reaction.  Seeing only stony faced silence, he ploughed on regardless.  This might be the last time they ever spoke, they might not ever exchange another word, and he was damn well going to lay it out for Nathan.

"I still tried, I called every damn college in the area and asked for application packets.  They had to send them to me at the McShaw’s because by then Mom was gone and I had no money for rent so I’d gotten kicked out.  Can you imagine when I found out about application fees?  So much for applying a whole bunch of places on the hopes of finding one where I could get enough financial aid to actually go!  And you know, I’m sure that writing out all these applications by hand because I didn’t have a typewriter, much less a word processor, I’m sure that really impressed all those admissions workers.  And those crappy essays, the ones I had to send off as-is because when I asked the guidance counselor for help she  _ laughed in my face _ , I bet those made a great impression too," Duke went on, incapable of shutting up now.  Even if he wanted to, the words were bleeding from him as though starting to speak had opened a wound.  Years of hurt and resentment bubbled out of him.

"I put more effort into trying for college than you’ve ever put into anything in your entire pampered life, because I knew damn well that was my ticket out.  You and Julia and everyone looking down your damn noses at me, thinking ‘what happened to that kid with the big dreams, how could you just give up like that to become a crook?’  You think I  _ wanted _ to stay here, where no one was gonna give me a job or rent me an apartment because I was a delinquent from a family of crooks?  Where I had to follow in their fucking footsteps and prove everyone right, just to put food in my mouth?  It  _ broke _ me when I realized that getting into college was something I just couldn’t do on my own.  The day I gave up trying was the day I damn near drank myself to death,” Duke bitterly spat the words out.

“I remember that,” Nathan said slowly, guiltily.  “They had to haul you to the clinic and pump your stomach.  Everyone thought it was just some dumb teenage binge.”

A glimmer of hope shot through Duke at the look of guilt on Nathan’s face.  Maybe, just maybe, he was listening, taking in just how bad things had been.  “And I woke up there and everyone bitched me out for ‘pulling such a dumb stunt’.  And then you came and sat with me and said you knew something was wrong, that if I didn’t want to talk about it that was fine, but if I did then you’d listen, and either way no matter what happened you’d always be there for me.  You were the only damn reason I didn’t walk right out of there and go down to the docks to walk off a pier with a steel weight tied to my ankle.  And then you come back from college with your holier-than thou crap treating me like everyone else in this fucking town, like I was something you scraped off the bottom of your shoe.  Oh, and then as if that wasn’t enough, you decided to became a  _ cop _ ,” Duke scowled accusingly at Nathan.

“If you hadn’t become a crook it wouldn't matter that I decided to become a cop!” Nathan protested.

“It was never about me, Nate!  It was about you pissing away something that you had  _ no _ idea how precious it was.  You had a chance to realize your dreams, you had a chance to break free of this place and free of your old man and really  _ make _ something of your life, doing good in a way that made you happy.  That’s something I never had, something I’d known for  _ years _ I was never, ever gonna get.  And you threw that away for the sake of an asshole father who was never going to be happy with you no matter what you did.  How’d that work out for you, Nate, you make your old man proud?  Oh, wait, I know this one – no you fucking didn’t, just like I  _ told _ you,” Duke glared.

“Shut up about my father,” Nathan growled.  “It’s not that simple!”

“Oh, you chickening out on your dreams because your daddy told you no, that isn’t simple, but for me it’s just ‘you should have tried harder’?  Go to hell, Nate!” Duke yelled.

“Fine, so getting into college wasn’t gonna happen for you, that’s tragic and all, that that doesn’t justify turning into a petty crook!" Nathan snapped.

“I’m alive today because I became a petty crook, so you can take your judgment and shove it up your ass, if you can get it past the stick you keep up there,” Duke flipped him off forcefully.

“There’s always a choice, Duke!  Even in a life-and-death situation, you don’t use that as an excuse to toss your morals in the trash!” Nathan yelled.

“Fuck you, Nate!  You have  _ no  _ idea what it’s like when your whole damn life is a slow grind of going without the most basic necessities for survival, day after day after every single fucking day.  You’ve never been cold for so long that you can’t remember anymore what it is to be warm.  You can’t even imagine how it feels when you haven’t eaten in three days and that’s the  _ norm _ , when you don’t even know what it means to have a full stomach.  You can sit there and sneer at my choices and say you’d stick to your morals no matter what but you have no idea what you’d do for a sandwich or a blanket if you went without for long enough.  Morals are a luxury, Nate, and that’s a thing you’ll never understand.  So yeah, I swallowed my pride and threw what was left of my morals right into the dumpster.  And when you’ve spent half your life going to bed wondering if tonight’s the night you won’t wake up in the morning, wondering who’ll be the one to find your starved or frozen body, dead in whatever alley or hovel was your best option to crash, then you can judge me.  Not before.”  Duke turned on his heel and stormed away from the truck, leaving Nathan to think over what he'd said. He'd probably said too much, hadn't planned on saying  _ any _ of it, but Nathan's condescending attitude on top of Shorty dropping him in the shit was too much to take and his temper had gotten the better of him. He didn't know where he was going but anywhere away from Nathan seemed pretty damned good right now.

**********

Duke spent the next twenty four hours holed up in the abandoned fishing hut. He was fully expecting Nathan to have told the chief what he'd done and for the police to pick him up at any moment. Not that it would necessarily have been a bad thing, he'd meant what he'd said to Nathan about jail meaning a bed and three meals a day. Still, it was an option he'd prefer  _ not _ to take right now so he stayed out of sight where he knew no one would find him.

Hunger dragged him out and he skulked around town, waiting until the diner was as quiet as possible before spending his last couple of bucks on the most filling food they served. His breathing all but stopped when two cops came in for coffee and he let out a sigh of relief when they left with only a brief nod in his direction. Maybe Nathan hadn't said anything. Duke wondered what that said about their friendship, maybe it was worth saving after all.

For his part, Nathan spent most of that time at home, quiet and introspective.  He mulled over Duke's words, wondered if he'd meant it all, worried what it meant if he had.  Was his old friend really so close to the edge?  Had he been, all that time?  Had Nathan really been so blind?  So useless?

Once he felt that Duke had had enough time that they wouldn't get in another fight the second they saw each other, he went out to look for him.  He didn't know if he could change anything - maybe it really was too late, maybe the obstacles were too daunting.  Maybe Duke didn't even  _ want _ his help.

But he had to try.


	7. Chapter 7

It took Nathan longer to find Duke than any search should have in a town as small as Haven.  He finally spotted him on the end of an unused pier he could have sworn he’d checked before.  Duke’s back stiffened as Nathan walked down the worn, sun-warmed planks, making Nathan glad Duke had nowhere to go.  Had he been lucky, or was this Duke’s way of offering to let Nathan approach him?

He sat on the edge beside Duke and set the six pack of beer between them, pulling one out and holding it out to Duke.  Duke gave him a sidelong look but took the bottle, producing a swiss army knife and prying the cap off.

They went through their first beer each in silence, and Nathan suspected that Duke wasn’t going to be the first to speak.  He set his empty bottle in the pack and reached for another.  “Been thinking.  Lot of things I guess I never understood,” he said quietly.

“Yeah?” Duke said warily, taking another bottle himself.

“Yeah.  You’re right, it was never that simple.  Shoulda seen that.”  He swallowed, but it didn’t make the lump in his throat go away.  “Never knew how bad it was.”

“Never wanted you to,” Duke said with a brittle smile.  “Couldn’t have dealt with pity on top of everything.”

“That the only reason?  Pity?”

Duke took another drink.  “No,” he admitted.  “Too used to hiding it.  Don’t think I could’ve come clean if I’d tried.”

“It really is that bad,” Nathan’s inflection wasn’t a question.  “You really do go to bed not knowing if you’ll see tomorrow.”

“Sometimes, yeah,” Duke said quietly.  “You know how cold the winters get up here.  When Mom took off, just before our senior year, I had no way to hang onto the apartment.  Some nights I get lucky and have a warm place to sleep.  Some nights, not so much.”

“Could’ve said something.  Stayed with Bill and Geoff, with me, someone would’ve helped.”

“Your dad wouldn’t have put up with me for a hot minute, you know that.  And the McShaws were already doing so much for me, you remember those huge lunches Bill and Geoff used to get that I always ended up eating part of because they could never finish it all.  Their mom knew damn well what she was doing.”

“You seemed okay.  We knew your mom wasn’t around but we thought…” Nathan trailed off.  It seemed a ridiculous assumption, in hindsight.  “We thought you were okay,” he finished lamely.

“High school was different.  Got free school lunches still, plus the extra from the McShaws meant I had a couple meals a day, if pretty thin ones.  I could raid the lost and found for stuff to wear when it started getting cold, and when it was really bad I could usually hide somewhere at the end of the day and spend the night at school.  If I got caught then, I got yelled at and kicked out.  But after graduation, if I’d been spotted on school grounds it would have been trespassing.  Everything that was keeping me going, I lost at graduation.  I meant it when I said I wouldn’t be alive today if I hadn’t made the choices I did.”

“You were right about that too,” Nathan admitted.  “You did what you had to do.  I acted like I’m better but truth is, I don’t know that I’d do any different in your shoes.  We all like to tell ourselves we’d do the right thing if it came down to it, but ‘til it does we don’t know.  Can’t know.”

Duke gave him a long look, then nodded.  “You surprise yourself with what you’ll do when your back’s to the wall,” he said quietly, something dark in his eyes as he took another a swig of his beer.

Nathan reached over and gave Duke’s shoulder a squeeze.  “C’mon.  Come back and stay with me over break.”

“Chief won’t stand for that.”

“Chief owes me, big time.  Can’t put a price on dreams, like you said.”

“Somehow I doubt he’ll see it that way,” Duke snorted.

“Tough luck for him.  I can always switch my major to pre-med.”

“You wouldn’t,” Duke grinned.

“Sure would.  Worse comes to worst and he kicks us both out, we’ll just head back to campus early.”

“You mean you will.”

“Said ‘we’, meant ‘we’.  Come with, crash our dorm for a bit.  No one’ll care.  People there won’t know you, you can find work, end of the semester we can all go in on renting a place together to get it cheap.  And if you want, I can talk to my advisers and profs and the folks in the financial aid office, see if we can’t give you a second chance.  A better one.”

“Nate…”

“S’not pity.  Just a fair shot, is all.  Much as you or anyone else deserves.  Now c’mon, Chief left me some cash to order pizza, gonna be a box with your name on it.”

“Won’t say no to pizza,” Duke grinned. “'specially if it's on the chief.” He draped an arm over Nathan's shoulder. “Thanks, Nate. I mean that. Thank you. If you're sure you won't get sick of the sight of me, getting the hell out of Haven sounds like a really good plan right now.”

"Couldn't ever get sick of you," Nathan put an arm around Duke's shoulders, pulling him close.  He didn't know what relieved him more - that Duke was giving him a second chance, or that Duke was going to get one himself.

*****

Garland Wuornos took one look at the two boys sitting on his couch and swore under his breath. “Nathan, a word,” he said sharply before striding off to the kitchen.

Nathan looked over at Duke and gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze.  "Don't go anywhere.  I won't let him kick you out.  Remember, we have a backup plan."

Duke shuffled uncomfortably but nodded his acceptance. He'd wait for Nathan, whether they were staying here or jumping in the truck and heading to Portland.

“Now, Nathan!” The chief's voice growled from the kitchen.

Nathan gave Duke's shoulder another pat before heading into the kitchen.  "Yeah, Chief?"

Garland took a deep breath, trying not to shout. “Want to explain why there's a Crocker sitting on my couch?” He asked sternly.

"He's got nowhere else to go.  Wasn't about to let him sleep on the streets in this weather," Nathan said stubbornly.

“Not my problem,” Garland replied just as stubbornly.

"Not your problem?" Nathan said, outraged.  "You're the chief of police!  It's  _ literally _ your job!  Whatever happened to 'protect and serve'?  Is letting a teenager freeze and starve on the streets of Haven your idea of protecting and serving?  He's been homeless for almost a year now!  I didn't realize how badly he was struggling after his mom took off but you damn well should have, and you did nothing!"

“Do you know who that boy's father is? What he was capable of? The boy takes after his dad, nothing’s going to change that. I'll arrest him if I have to, but there’s no way he’s spending the night under my roof!”

"Duke's not his father!" Nathan snapped.  "He was only eight when he lost his dad, how much could he possibly take after him?  Now I agreed to major in criminal justice because you wanted me to, it's not too late to change it to pre-med like I wanted.  Duke stays."

“Whole family's rotten to the core, it's in his  _ blood _ Nathan,” Garland rubbed a hand across his face. “Just like being a cop’s in your blood. You'll learn what protect and serve means in this town soon enough.”

"Not if it means turning on my best friend when he hasn't even done anything wrong," Nathan scowled.  "It's bullshit that everyone in this town thinks he's a scumbag and has from day one.  Blood doesn't mean a damn thing.  He's gonna show you all, he's gonna get into college and get a job and he's gonna be great."

Garland popped open a beer and drank half of it down in one. Simon Crocker had been his best friend once too. Until everything had gone all to shit. All he wanted was for Nathan to be spared having to make the same choice he'd had to. “Even if he does all that, he'll still be a Crocker and he still won't be welcome in my house. Stay away from him, Nathan, I mean it.”

"I'm not abandoning him.  You don't want him in your house, fine, I'm not gonna get him in trouble.  But I'm not gonna let him die on the streets like an animal.  You might not give a shit about doing your job but I actually give a damn for human decency."

Garland nodded. “I give more of a shit than you realise,” he said quietly. “You just don't know the half of it, son.” He studied Nathan, taking in the set of his jaw, the anger blazing in his eyes, the way his shoulders were squared off, and realised he wasn't backing down an inch. A fierce pride rose in him as it hit him that his son was standing up to him, that he'd become the man he was trying to raise. And while he might not like the reason Nathan was standing up to him, he respected the fact that he  _ was _ .

“Ok,” Garland said, spreading his hands in defeat. “He stays. In your room, don't want to see him anywhere else. And he leaves when you go back to college. Take him with you, whatever, I don't care, but he's not staying here a minute longer than he has to.”

"Fine," Nathan breathed a sigh of relief.  The chief spent enough time at work that Duke staying in Nathan's room wouldn't be too restrictive.  He turned and went back to the living room.  "C'mon, Duke, let's go to my room."

“Really?” Duke asked doubtfully. “He's not kicking me out? Because it didn’t sound like that conversation was going well.”

"It didn't, but I wasn't gonna take his bullshit," Nathan growled, still angry over the way his father thought Duke should be treated.  "It was his damn job to see you didn't end up in that bad a spot, and he fucked it up.  Least he can do is not throw you out.  He did say you have to stick to my room when he's around, but that's not that much."

“Lotta people fucked that up, Nate,” Duke said as he followed Nathan up the stairs. “You're the only one who cared enough to do something about it. You're the only one who noticed.”

"Not soon enough," Nathan said softly.  "Shoulda known right off.  Coulda done this when it first happened, you wouldn't've had to go hungry and cold."

“Nah, you couldn't've known, I was lying through my teeth and doing it well,” Duke cuffed Nathan's shoulder before pulling him into a hug. “Thank you, Nate. You're the best friend in the world.”

Nathan hugged him tightly.  He didn't feel like it, was pretty sure he'd never feel that was true ever again, but appreciated the words.

“Really,” Duke mumbled into Nathan's shoulder. “Thank you. For helping me get another chance, for not believing the bullshit, for standing up to your dad. For all of it.”

"You deserve it.  I can't believe he knew and didn't do anything," Nathan hugged Duke tighter, his tone angry.  "He's supposed to protect and help the people of Haven, and he just let you suffer."

Duke gave Nathan a squeeze before letting go. “Yeah. Gonna be nice being warm tonight,” he admitted, relieved not to be spending another night in the cold. “Didn't you say something about pizza?” He added hopefully.

"I'll order it.   I don't care what he says, this house is your house.  Feel free to use the shower, the laundry machines, raid the kitchen, whatever.  He's hardly home, mostly he just comes back here to sleep.  Do you have some belongings stashed somewhere that we should go get?"

“Nope, all in here,” Duke patted his backpack which contained everything he owned. “When d’you go back to college?”

"Couple weeks.  You can crash in my room, the RAs won't care.  We can sneak you into the caf, they check meal cards at the entrances but no one really watches the exits.  We can go talk to my adviser or someone in the admissions office, and there's a really nice woman in the financial aid office, she knows her stuff and really cares about helping us."

“Sounds good,” Duke grinned. “You sure it's not gonna land you in the shit if we get caught?”

Nathan shrugged.  "If they catch me, they'll yell at me and tell me to cut it out.  It’s not something I'd get expelled for.  And if they say you can't keep staying in my room, you can just crash with someone else.  People visit room to room all the time.  And we can find other ways of sneaking you food if the caf tightens up security.  We can slip stuff into our backpacks, or lend you our meal cards."

“Long as you're sure,” Duke told him. “Don't wanna fuck this up for you. I'm not worth that.”

"I'm sure, and you are.  Besides, they won't want to risk the bad publicity over it if it comes out what we're trying to do."

“Ok,” Duke nodded, accepting what Nathan was saying. He kicked off his shoes and collapsed onto Nathan's bed. “Man, it's gonna be so good getting out of this town.”

"I can imagine," Nathan squeezed his shoulder.

Duke smiled at him. “Don't really know how to thank you,” he said, his face turning serious. “For this. All of this. Giving me the chance I never thought I'd have again. It...Nate, it means  _ everything _ to me.”

Nathan sat on the bed beside him and rested a hand on his back.  "You deserve it.  I'd never want you to feel you owe me anything."

Duke leaned in towards him. “Then let's just say that if there's anything you need, whatever it is, you tell me, k?” He smirked slightly. “Like help finding your game with chicks.”

Nathan blushed.  "I  _ definitely _ don't want you to feel like you owe me anything in the romance department."

“Nah, but seriously, you need the help,” Duke laughed.

"You seem to like my game well enough," Nathan smirked.

“Shut up,” Duke elbowed him. “You don't even use your game on me.”

"Don't even need to," Nathan grinned playfully.  "You like me that much."

“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that, Nate,” Duke laughed.

Nathan leaned close to murmur in Duke's ear.  "You're saying if I wanted to get you off you’d turn me down?"

“Didn't say that at all,” Duke whispered. “You never could resist me.”

"Cocky," Nathan snorted, for all he knew it was true.

“Yeah,” Duke smirked. “That's why you like me.”

Nathan pretended to look thoughtful.  "Seems a shame to share a bed without putting it to good use."

“It does,” Duke agreed. “Hang on... _ That's _ why you want me to come back to college with you!” He grabbed Nathan round the neck, playfully dragging him into a headlock.

For a moment Nathan was still, horrified at the idea, before he realized he was joking.  "You're a shithead, Duke," he complained, squirming.

“Takes one to know one,” Duke teased childishly. “But yeah,” he added quietly. “I'm sure we can put it to good use.”

Nathan wriggled free and ruffled Duke's hair.  " You know I meant it when I said you don't owe me anything, right?" he said earnestly.  "We mess around because it's fun, never - and I mean  _ never _ \- because you owe me."

Duke raised an eyebrow at him. “Yeah, course I know that. Stop being weird.” A thought crossed his mind. “Uh...you know you don't, either, yeah? I mean you keep saying you should've done this or that...Don't want you doing anything 'cause you think you've got something to make up for.”

"That has nothing to do with us messing around," Nathan nodded.  

Duke frowned. “Yeah, good, but I don't want you doing  _ anything _ because you think you've gotta make it up to me, not just that.”

"M' not," Nathan protested.  "Just putting things right, giving you the fair shot you should've always gotten.  Being the good friend I should have been first time around."

“You've always been a good friend,” Duke told him honestly. “And I appreciate everything you're doing now, more than I could ever tell you. But you don't owe me anything. Just... Need you to know that you don't  _ have to _ . We're friends, no matter what. 'k?”

"No matter what," Nathan nodded, stretching out beside him and throwing an arm over his shoulders.

“Good,” Duke grinned. “Can we stop being weird now?”

Nathan grinned at him.  "Want do you want on your pizza?"

“Pepperoni, obviously,” Duke answered. “Unless you want something different.”

"Double pepperoni, double cheese, large, bottle of Pepsi to wash it down?"

“Sounds good,” Duke replied eagerly.

Nathan nodded.  "I'll go call it in.  Be right back."

“Thanks, Nate,” Duke grinned, hoping that Nathan knew he meant for everything else as well as the pizza.

Nathan gave Duke a friendly cuff on the shoulder.  "My pleasure."

Garland heard Nathan's footsteps on the stairs and busied himself reading the paper, wanting to avoid another confrontation this evening. He couldn't help but overhear as Nathan phoned to order what sounded like enough pizza to feed a small army. It was fair enough, he thought, the Crocker boy  _ did _ look too thin. He'd had some reports of the kid stealing food but no one had wanted to press charges. Seemed like the whole town knew he was struggling and no one had done a damned thing. Oh, he had his reasons alright, good reasons, but maybe he should've at least made a phone call, even if he couldn't bring himself to help the kid directly. Maybe Nathan had a point about 'protect and serve’.

His thoughts were disturbed by the insistent ringing of the doorbell and he got up to answer it. He paid for the pizzas himself, even though he'd given Nathan money for it earlier. Call it an apology, call it a gesture, whatever. Not that he'd ever  _ admit _ that's what it was. No. Better to keep up the pretence of hating the whole Crocker family and hope the kid decided to blow town and not come back. He just hoped Nathan wouldn't follow him. He took the pizzas through to the kitchen as Nathan thundered down the stairs.

Nathan got out the stack of paper plates as Garland set the pizzas down.  He set a couple slices on a plate and wordlessly pushed it over to his father.  He did it again for himself - and then took a third plate and put a couple slices on that, too, the whole time making eye contact, daring his father to argue.  He set the two plates on a second, full pizza box and tucked the bottle of soda under his arm, heading back upstairs without a word.

Garland nodded to himself as he watched Nathan go. Stony silence was pretty much what he'd been expecting. He got another beer out of the fridge and worried about what the boys' friendship would mean for the future.


	8. Chapter 8

Duke helped Nathan pack up the Bronco with a few essentials and jumped into the passenger seat, a huge grin on his face, excited to be leaving Haven for the first time. Even if the whole college thing didn't work out, maybe he could at least get a proper job, work his way up, save up for the boat he'd always wanted.

“You ready?” He checked with Nathan. “We forgotten anything?”

"Got everything I brought home for break, got some sodas and snacks and tunes for the ride - I'm good.  You?"

“Yeah, I'm ready,” Duke nodded. “Please tell me you have  _ good _ tunes, not all country or cheesy pop from ten years ago?”

Nathan snorted.  "Oh ye of little faith," he gave Duke a handful of mixtapes out of his backpack and pulled out of the driveway.  A part of him was a little sad to be leaving his hometown again, but he was eager to get back to college - especially now that he'd seen the uglier side of Haven.

“ _ You _ like Nirvana? Nate, you are full of surprises,” Duke laughed as he picked out a grunge mixtape and slipped it into the cassette player.

Nathan grinned at him.  "College will broaden your horizons, man.  Pop open a couple sodas for the road, yeah?"

Duke opened two cans and passed one to Nathan. “Road trip!” He half shouted as he touched his can to Nathan's.

Nathan laughed and double-clinked his can to Duke's.  As they passed the 'now leaving Haven' sign, he sang along with the music.

Laughing at Nathan's attempt at singing, Duke joined in, feeling better than he had done for  _ years _ now that he was out of town with no intention of going back.

The three hour trip down to Portland passed pleasantly in song, conversation, and snacks.  Nathan finally exited the highway as they reached Portland, winding his way through the wintery streets until he reached a large parking lot in back of a number of squat ugly buildings clustered around a large hall.  "Welcome to the Northside dorms," Nathan said, parking the car.

“This is awesome,” Duke grinned excitedly, taking in his surroundings. It might not be pretty but it wasn't Haven and that was pretty damned good right now. “Which one's yours?”

Nathan pointed to one beside the hall.  "Norton house.  We're up on the fourth floor - lucked into a corner room, even.  The hall there's Wade Commons, it's got the caf - which everyone just calls Leutner - a game room, a gym, a big study lounge, the common printers, package pickup, stuff like that."

Duke looked around him, trying to memorise everything Nathan had just said. It was a lot to take in and he couldn't help but feel that he didn't fit here, that someone was going to call him out and send him away. “Sure this is gonna be ok?” He worried.

"Yeah,” Nathan gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze.  "There's really not much supervision, and people are in and out of each other's dorm rooms all the time.  No one will notice that you're actually living with me rather than just hanging out.  The RAs and RD are too wrapped up in their own grad studies to care about much unless you're doing something seriously and visibly bad.  You'll be fine."

“Ok,” Duke replied, smiling at Nathan. “I'll take your word for it. What d’you want me to carry inside?” He reached into the backseat to pull out his backpack.

"Just your own stuff, I've got the rest," Nathan said, slinging his own backpack over his shoulder.  He hadn't brought much home - he hadn't had all that much in the first place, just some clothes and books and music mostly, and most of that had either stayed at home or stayed in the dorm over break.  

The dorms were swarming with students moving back in, often with families saying goodbye.  People called friendly greetings to Nathan but no one stopped or questioned them.  Nathan led the way up the large central staircase to the fourth floor, going to a corner room and unlocking the heavy wooden door.  "Well, this is it - home sweet home."

It wasn't large - maybe twelve feet wide and fifteen feet long.  On either side was a lofted bed, one with a small couch tucked underneath and the other with a couple of dressers, small fridge, and equally small TV.  At the far end of the room, a pair of desks sat beneath the wide windows; at the near end, two large closets took up the rest of the space.

“Awesome,” Duke grinned, feeling more relaxed now that no one had batted an eyelid at him being here. He dropped his backpack on the floor and grabbed Nathan round the neck, dragging him into a brief, one armed, hug.

Nathan laughed and ruffled his hair.  "I grabbed some extra toiletries and a spare towel while I was home.  Laundry machines are on the first floor, I'll show you when we go down to dinner, we can share detergent and stuff.  There are study rooms on each floor and a common lounge and full kitchen on the first floor, all are first-come-first serve.  One communal bathroom in the middle of each floor, do  _ not _ shower barefoot, we can share shower shoes if you want.  Also each floor has a kitchenette with a microwave and sink, do not leave anything in any common fridge unless you want it to disappear.  So far so good?"

“So far so good,” Duke confirmed, trying to remember everything Nathan had said. He thought he'd be perfectly happy camping out in the room and only coming out for meals, but it was good to know where everything else was in case he needed it. “You expecting your room mate back today?”

Nathan snorted.  "Not expecting him back until the end of the semester to pick up his stuff.  I seriously haven't seen him since a week after move-in at the start of the year."

“Cool,” Duke grinned. “Which bed’s yours?”

Nathan tapped the bed over the couch.  "So the other one's all yours.  I'll show you around campus this weekend - the student center, the libraries, the classroom buildings, the shops, so on."

Duke threw himself onto the bed, stretching out and thinking how comfortable it was. Sharing Nathan's bed for a few days had been great, a vast improvement on the year he'd spent without a bed at all. But his own bed, in a warm room, with his best friend nearby? He thought life couldn't get much better.  “When d’your classes start again?” He asked Nathan.

"Week from today.  I headed back a little early so we could settle in."

“And escape from your dad,” Duke laughed. “Did you two say a single word to each other after that argument?”

"Basically not," Nathan frowned.

“Shit. Sorry, man. I know you two don't exactly see eye to eye but I didn't mean to make things worse.”

"It's not you.  It's him.  How he could have stood by all that time letting you suffer," Nathan made a disgusted noise.  "And you know what he told me when I called him on it? He said 'You'll learn what protect and serve means in this town soon enough'," he scoffed.

“Wasn't just him, though. Half the town knew and didn't do anything,” Duke pointed out. “Protect and serve,” he snorted. “You sure you wanna become a cop?”

"Not anymore," Nathan shook his head.  "Thought it meant something, you know?  Wasn't what I really wanted but it wasn't bad.  Was gonna help people, keep them safe.  I liked that idea.  Keeping Haven safe.  But now it turns out all I'd be protecting is the status quo, even if it means innocent teenagers get hurt or even killed.  Protecting the people who turned a blind eye to it, because they're the 'right' people, and everyone else can just suffer and die.  Makes me sick."

Duke nodded agreement. “Never did thank you properly for not turning me in. You could've, I probably would've been relieved if you  _ had _ . But I'm glad you didn't. This is better than jail. You're a good man, Nate, don't listen to anything your dad has to say. He should be proud of you.”

"Gonna be a cold day in hell before that happens," Nathan said bitterly.  "He finds out I've switched majors, he'll probably throw me out.  He's not gonna pay for med school, that's for damn sure.  Guess we'll both be figuring out financial aid."  He sat on the couch, gaze downcast.  "You know he was my hero when I was little?  Hard to imagine now but I looked up to him so much.  And now I find he's a guy who'd let a kid die just because of some 'bad blood' bullshit.  I knew there were cops like that, I just never figured it'd be in Haven.  Never figured it'd be  _ him _ .  We fought a lot, sure, but I never thought..." he trailed off, his voice thick.

Duke sprang up from the bed and sank onto the couch next to Nathan. He threw an arm over Nathan's shoulders and squeezed. “You're a hundred times a better man than he is. I'd be fucking dead without you. Screw him. Make your own life. We don't ever have to go back to Haven.”

Nathan leaned against him, saying nothing but grateful for the comfort.

“We'll work this out,” Duke told him, keeping his arm wrapped around Nathan. “Us against the world, right?”

"Yeah," Nathan gave him a weak smile.  "I'll just lie to him.  No big deal, right?"

“No big deal,” Duke agreed, his eyes telling a different story.

Nathan ran a hand over his face, making a visible effort to close everything away.  "Right.  How about we hit the caf?  I figure I'll go in, you meet me at the exit and I slip you my meal card, then you come around in and join me?"

“Caf seems like a very good plan,” Duke grinned. “Sure you're ok?”

"I'm fine," Nathan lied.  "You'll like Leutner, everything's all you can eat, there's always pizza and pasta and burgers and fries, cereal and a salad bar, plus whatever stuff is on the menu rotation.  It's pretty shitty food to be honest, but there's plenty of it."

Duke let the lie slip past unmentioned. “Can't be any worse than your cooking,” he laughed, elbowing Nathan in the ribs. “C'mon, I can't even remember how to get there.”

Nathan led the way, pointing out the back exit.  Students were streaming out fairly frequently, in ones and twos and groups, often meeting up with others outside - it should be no trouble for Duke to meet Nathan there and get the card without attracting attention.  Nathan then showed him the front entrance.  "Just follow everyone else in, there's someone at the entrance swiping meal cards, just give them the card, they'll swipe and give it back to you, then come find me at the table.  Any questions?"

“Nope, all good,” Duke tried to smile, worried that someone would notice he wasn't supposed to be there. “See you in a few.”

"See you at the back door," Nathan nodded and went in.  

Duke's worry proved to be for nothing - in the steady stream of students in and out, no one noticed the exchange or remarked on Duke joining the entry line, and the bored cafeteria worker barely glanced up from his book to take the card, swipe it, and hand it back.

“Hey,” he greeted Nathan, putting his tray on the table. It was still a novelty to not have to think that this might be his last meal for a while and he'd probably picked up more food than he could eat but that mindset was going to take a long time to fade away. Tearing into the burger, he mumbled through a mouthful. “'s’not shitty food.”

"Glad you like it," Nathan smiled.  "We're not supposed to take food out of here but that doesn't stop people.  Guy I knew snuck out a whole backpack full of bananas to prank his roomie.  And one of the frats managed to sneak out dishes - an entire full service for six, as a wedding gift for one of the oldest brothers."

Duke laughed. “All happens at college, huh? But what I want to know is where all the parties are at,” he grinned.

Nathan snorted.  "Frats'll be getting lively soon enough.  Overrated, though.  Just a bunch of drunk assholes preying on drunk girls."

“That is not cool,” Duke frowned. “All the more reason for us to go, keep an eye on things.”

"I tried.  Got blacklisted by all the frats.  They didn't appreciate me 'cockblocking' them."

“Assholes,” Duke spat out. “Not gonna sit by if that sorta shit’s going on.”

"You got ideas, I'm all ears.  Been fighting with the administration trying to get someone to do anything about it."

“We could punch their lights out?” Duke suggested hopefully, knowing it wasn't really an option no matter how tempting the thought was.

"If we want to both get kicked off campus."

“Yeah, that would not be good,” Duke sighed, leaning back in his chair.

"Nope.  Been thinking I might put up posters about it, some of the faces of the offenders."

“That's a good idea,” Duke nodded. “At least everyone would know who they are and who to avoid.”

"Yeah.  You know, what with your game with chicks being so hot, you might be able to whisk the at-risk girls out from under their noses," Nathan joked.

“Entirely possible,” Duke grinned. “Only the sober ones though. You know, offer to walk them home, make sure the asshole doesn't follow them, maybe steal a kiss on the doorstep…”

"The sober ones aren't the ones who need help," Nathan pointed out dryly.

Duke glared at him. “Fine. Walk the drunk ones home and ask for their number, hope they remember me when I call.”

"Better," Nathan ruffled his hair.

“Nate!” Duke glowered. “I told you. Don't mess with the hair!”

Nathan grinned at him.  "But it's so fluffy."

“Fluffy?!  _ Fluffy _ ?! Of all the things you could find to say about my hair - hot, sexy, even nice would do - you go with fucking  _ fluffy _ ?!”

"Because it is," Nathan laughed, amused at Duke's indignation.

“Fine,” Duke sulked. “But it's still better than yours.”

"What's wrong with my hair?" Nathan demanded.

“Uh, what's  _ right _ with it is a better question.”

"In other words, it's fine and you're just being a shithead."

“Basically, yeah,” Duke mumbled. “But you started it.”

"Hey, it's all good." Nathan cuffed his shoulder.  "My friends will be coming back to campus over the next week or so, you'll like them."

“Great,” Duke replied enthusiastically. “Looking forward to meeting them. Just hope they don't hate me.”

"They won't, they'll love you, everyone does.  Probably more than they love me," Nathan tried to smile.  It wouldn't be the first time Nathan's friends had liked Duke more than they liked him.

“Nate,” Duke frowned, putting his hand on Nathan's shoulder and giving it a squeeze. “You're awesome, anyone who doesn't see that isn't worth bothering with.”

Nathan shook his head.  "Can't compare to you.  I'm like a plain cardboard box sitting next to a brightly wrapped Christmas present.  No one would pick me."

“Don't you dare say that,” Duke said fiercely. “You are gorgeous and hot and kind and caring and thoughtful and clever. Need me to go on? Anyone who doesn't want you as a friend, or whatever, is an idiot.”

Nathan went red in the face.  "Duke, c'mon.  S'nice of you to say but we both know it's not true."

“Bullshit,” Duke said bluntly, preparing to dig his heels in and argue this one out. “I wasn't being nice, just stating the truth. You're all of those things.”

"I'm just an average guy.  Nothing special.  Not like you."

“I’m nothing special and you're not ‘average’. You're so much more than that and it  _ kills me _ that you can't see that.”

"Can't see what's not there.  But you, you're not 'nothing special', not by a mile, you're charming and witty and good looking, smart as a whip, tough as nails, loyal as the day is long."

“Shut up,” Duke mumbled, his face glowing red. “We're talking about you, not me. People  _ respect _ you, Nate. They look up to you. You always do what's  _ right _ , no matter what it costs you. You have morals, integrity, personal strength, call it whatever you like, but you've  _ got that _ .”

Nathan shrugged.  "So the chief raised me to be a cop, so what.  Can't take any credit for that."

“Fucking  _ hell _ , Nathan,” Duke ran his hands through his hair in exasperation. “You know why people like having me around? Because I've always got booze, or weed, or both, or they're looking for a one night stand and they've heard the rumour that I'm easy. People like me because I can do something for them. People like you for _ you _ . Don't underestimate that.”

"Don't be ridiculous, people love you because you make them laugh, you make them smile, you're fun to be around, you're easy on the eyes, you're always kind and generous even when you've got nothing to give.  You'll see.  People here won't think you can do things for them, they won't think you're easy, you won't have booze or weed, and they'll still love you."

“Maybe,” Duke conceded, not really believing a word of it. “But people love you too, Nate. You gotta believe that. You're gentle and caring and funny and affectionate. You stand up for what you believe in. You challenge everything you see wrong with the world. You. Are. A. Good. Man, and there's a lot to love about you. And I'm not gonna shut up til you agree with me,” he grinned.

"Fine, fine," Nathan said, his face beet red.  "I agree already, just stop…describing me."  He didn't believe a word of it, of course, but if it got Duke to stop…

Duke knew he was lying but at least he'd stopped arguing. “Good. Let's get out of here,” he grinned.

"Yeah, cool.  Did you want to see any of the campus tonight?"

“Yeah but only the fun parts, don't go showing me where the library is or anything like that,” Duke laughed.

Nathan snorted.  "Right.  You'll like Arabica, the coffeehouse down the street.  At the Circle there's the botanical gardens - not much to see now but nice the rest of the year - as well as the natural history museum and art museum.  Little Italy's in walking distance, lots of good eats, and Coventry is cool if you want a drive.  The student center mid-campus has the bookstore, some food places, stuff like that.  The south campus is the main campus, it has just about everything.  The athletic center's up there, the campus movie theater, and the main quad is great for some seriously epic snowball fights or frisbee matches come spring."

“Oh my god, you're gonna have to draw me a map,” Duke half joked. “Want to get a coffee?”

"Sure," Nathan smiled as he got up to dump his empty dishes in the bins.  "You'll get the hang of it pretty quick.  Campus is smaller than Haven, and most everything falls along the main path between the north and south ends of campus."

“Yeah, I'll find my way around,” Duke agreed. “If I don't get distracted by pretty girls and get lost that is,” he smirked.

Nathan snorted, leading the way out of the cafeteria.  "You'll be fine.  Pretty sure I still have the freshman welcome packet, that'll have a campus map.  Other useful stuff, too."

“That would be really good, if you can find it,” Duke told him. “Means I won't have to rely on you so much.”

"Yeah, I'll dig around when we get back to the dorm.  But you worry too much.  Couple weeks, you'll know your way around no problem.  And the odds that anyone's going to question your presence are next to nothing.  Most people just really don't care.  I'm pretty sure you could attend enough classes to get a degree and no one would object."

“Yeah, I'll be fine, guess it was the same for you when you got here,” Duke replied.

"Pretty much.  And I didn't haven't anyone to help me out.  At least for the first few days.  Then the guys adopted me as their pet freshman."

“I'm not even gonna ask what being a pet freshman involves,” Duke teased him.

"It's a tradition that Shawn and Becky and Joe started a few years ago when they were sophomores.  They found Alec wandering around Leutner his first week looking lost, so they took him under their wing, and have done so every year since.  Last year it was Marya and Jackie.  This year it's me."

“That's… Actually, that's really sweet. I'm glad you found good people here,” Duke smiled.

"They're good people.  You'll like them," Nathan smiled.  He led Duke up the steps of a little coffeehouse that looked from the outside like a repurposed Victorian home, with gables and bay windows and a wide front porch with gingerbread trim.  Warm golden light streamed from the windows, and the front door let out drifts of music and warm air laden amazing smells.  Inside, the house hadn't been changed much, aside from the industrialization of the kitchen and the sales counter.  There were armchairs and couches everywhere along with the little mismatched tables and chairs, the biggest room had a working fireplace with a roaring fire, and everywhere there were bookcases full of old books and well-loved board games.  A narrow twisting stair was at the back, and Nathan pointed it out.  "The rooms upstairs are for quiet studying - downstairs is for socializing."

“Oh my god, this place is  _ amazing _ ,” Duke said.  “I might never leave.”

Nathan beamed.  "Arabica's the best, everyone loves it here.  People come here to do classwork, to get together for group projects, just to hang out."  The crowd seemed to bear him out, filling the space with cheerful hubbub.  "What do you want to drink?  If you don't want caffeine this late they do great Italian sodas, any flavor you name," he gestured at the huge row of syrup bottles behind the counter.

“Coffee's good,” Duke replied absent-mindedly, drinking in his surroundings. The shop had a warm, homey vibe, and reminded him of the dreams he'd had when he was a kid. Dreams where someone would come and take him away from his life, give him a real home filled with love and laughter.

Nathan nodded.  "Why don't you go see if you can find us anywhere to sit?"

Duke weaved his way between groups of students, eventually finding a small couch tucked away in the corner. He waved so Nathan would know where to find him and dropped down onto it, stifling a yawn.

Nathan came over a couple minutes later, a colorful handmade ceramic mug in each hand, full of fragrantly steaming coffee.  "Good choice."

“Thanks,” Duke replied, accepting the mug Nathan offered him. “Good coffee,” he added after he'd taken a sip. Setting the mug on the table, he turned towards Nathan. “Excited about switching to pre-med?” He grinned.

"Excited.  Scared, too," Nathan confessed.  "Don't know that I have what to takes to cut it."

“You do,” Duke told him. “I know you do. You're gonna breeze it.”

"Maybe.  Med school's not cheap, though."

“If your dad really won't help you with it, we'll work it out. You have to do this, Nate. It's your dream and I'm not gonna let you give up on it.”

"I'm gonna give it my best," Nathan gave him a little, uncertain smile.  "If you can fight for your dreams, I can fight for mine."

“Good,” Duke smiled, cuffing him gently on the shoulder.

Nathan put an arm around Duke's shoulder.  "We'll do it together."

“Yeah,” Duke leaned into him. “Us against the world, remember?”

"Always," Nathan arm tightened, pulling him close.

“Still can't believe I'm here,” Duke said. “Just hope to fuck I don't screw it up and let you down.”

"You won't," Nathan smiled.  "We'll spend this semester working on your application and applying for financial aid, and if you want you can even talk to some profs about sitting in on their classes, you could probably get credit for it once you're enrolled, and get your degree that much faster."

“Yeah,” Duke tried to smile, daunted by the possibilities which lay ahead of him. “Yeah,” he said again, more decisively this time. “I don't know how to thank you, Nate, I wouldn't be able to do any of this without you.”

"Don't need to thank me.  It's what any good friend would do.  Shoulda done it a year ago, then you wouldn't have had to suffer."

Duke shook his head. “Life was shit well before that, the past year’s just been the icing on the cake. I hid it from everyone, you couldn’t’ve known.”

"Wish I had.  Wish you'd never had to go through that." his arm tightened around Duke.  "Hate that you did."

“Yeah. I should've trusted you. 'm sorry that I didn't.”

"I'm sorry I wasn't the kind of friend you could trust," Nathan said quietly, so quietly Duke almost couldn't hear him.

“Don't, Nate,” Duke told him sharply, more harshly than he'd intended. “Really, don't say that,” he said, more softly. “It was about me and my  _ stupid _ pride, convincing myself that I could do it on my own, that I didn't  _ need _ to trust anyone to help me. If I'd been able to ask for help, you’d have been the first person I’d have gone to.”

Nathan startled a little at Duke's initial tone, but didn't let go of him.  Perhaps wisely, he changed the subject.  "Given any thought to what you want to major in?"

“Social work,” Duke replied quickly. “Try and make sure other kids don't go through what I did.”

Nathan broke out in a beaming grin and hugged him tight.  "You're amazing, Duke."

Duke laughed at his enthusiasm. “Nah, just can't sit back knowing that sorta thing’s going on. Besides, it was either that or doing a law degree and I didn't get the GPA I needed for that.”

"And that's amazing, that you're taking action," Nathan give him another little squeeze.

“It's not amazing, it's just righting some wrongs in the world. You're the amazing one, you're gonna be saving lives and shit.”

"Maybe.  But don't sell yourself short.  Most people in this world wouldn't right those wrongs even if they were staring them in the face.  Not even if they were cops, sometimes."

“Yeah. Just wanna make a difference. As best I can. Just hope I can even get into college after all this.” Duke drained his coffee and yawned. “We getting outta here?”

"Sure.  And you will," Nathan squeezed Duke's shoulder before standing and offering him a hand up.

“Yeah,” Duke smiled as he took Nathan's hand and allowed himself to be hauled to his feet. The enormity of leaving Haven, of following his dreams, of them being within grasping distance had left him exhausted.

"Come on," Nathan put his arm around Duke's shoulder.  "Let's go home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this felt like a good time to leave them, and you can imagine whatever future you like for them - but if you'd like to see what we saw for them, click to the next chapter :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few short headcanons about where we thought Nathan and Duke would end up, and how that would impact on Haven :)

Duke gets accepted on a full scholarship. He knuckles down and completes his degree in 2 years, using the extra credit from his unofficial attendance of lectures.   
  
With a bit of distance and perspective, Garland realises he was wrong to push Nathan in the direction of being a cop. He decides to pay for Med school.   
  
Nathan and Duke keep fooling around with each other, and chasing girls, until they realise that they love each other. (They've always known that, deep down, it just takes them a while to admit it)   
  
Duke gets a job as a social worker and supports Nathan through med school, making sure he eats and drinks and takes showers, keeping on top of the housework in their tiny rented apartment.   
  
Nathan and Garland stay in touch through frosty letters and occasional phone calls. Garland attends Nathan's graduation and finally tells him how proud he is. Nathan tells him that he and Duke are together. Garland nods and says "ok then".   
  
Nathan and Duke take sabbaticals from work and volunteer with MSF, helping at refugee camps in war torn countries. It's hot and dusty and dangerous and they lean on each other to get through it, before coming back to the US with changed perspectives.   
  
Nathan works in an ER as an emergency paediatric attending. Duke works closely with him, making sure any at risk children are helped and families get any necessary support.    
  
They get married. Garland writes to Duke when they get engaged, apologising for not helping him, for judging him, and letting him know that he's proud of the way he's turned his life around. Garland attends the wedding and while it will never be happy families between them, they've reached an understanding.   
  
When the Troubles come around again, Nathan and Duke never have the fight that set off Nathan's trouble and Duke doesn't come into contact with troubled blood so his trouble isn't activated. Garland warns them to stay away from Haven, knowing it's safer for them.    
  
Without worrying about Nathan, or Nathan finding out about Max Hansen, Garland is able to keep things together. He survives the troubles. He meets Simon's ghost, who explains why he went mad and started killing - it was the blood addiction. Garland is able to forgive Simon (and therefore Duke) and after the troubles end, he accepts Duke into the family, which eases the tension in his relationship with Nathan.   
  
Without Nathan's love for Audrey, and without Duke jumping into the collapsing barn, Audrey leaves on the Hunter storm. This time, she's done enough to prove to Charlotte that she's atoned for what Mara did and she lives a happy life in her own dimension (probably with William who's pleased to have her back and isn't doing anything stupidly desperate with aether).   
  
The troubles never return to Haven. Duke helps hundreds of families (and gets his boat). Nathan saves lives and makes his old man proud.


End file.
